Olivia
Olivia
Aug 22, 2017 · 2 min read

It’s your fault because you wanted a picture you know your time is valuable and you didn’t give him the chance to waste it but you still feel it missing like something misplaced you remind yourself that you love him and he loves you but that isn’t enough not anymore even though you went to his family’s restaurant the other day not even looking like yourself and you’d never met any of them yet they all recognized you even called him on the phone to show him that you were really there that they weren’t pulling his leg and you wonder if they know how he told you he can’t commit because he is afraid and how you called him and all of it bullshit and how he ruined months of your life and had you crying enough tears in the theater to fill a fish tank at an aquarium but no they know you as la novia and su cielito and habibti like he used to call you so sweet that you ignored the cavities in order to savor the taste and you wanted a picture and this is why this is your fault like you didn’t explode on him a week and a half ago how his proximity to you warmed you like coals you couldn’t resist how being this close to him and not running or driving or catching an Uber to each other feels like betrayal like the pain was in vain like deep down you always knew it was but you waited seven months for this and you even picked out an outfit one or two ago and now the shirt sits in a plastic trash bag in the middle of the living room like an omen like you didn’t buy the shirt while shopping with your first love anyway like he doesn’t look at you like he’s seeing for the first time you know he wouldn’t and doesn’t approve because he never feels like anyone is every worthy of your time and that brings you back to time and how much of it you have wasted even though you know it isn’t real and then how if it isn’t real how you can’t waste it but you do know it was a waste spending two years loving him when he can’t even commit to you let alone fight back or for something silly girl that boy has no passion and here you are expecting sonnets and letters but settling for a one word reply and didn’t your first love tell you once and many times never to settle and now you watch as the dust does just that over the decisions you’ve made

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Olivia

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Olivia

I don't care for punctuation but I do care for writing.