If You’re Going to Fall, Fall Forward

Let’s be honest, every class that you’ve ever taken at all — there’s been at least one day that you woke up, trudged there in the rain/snow/radiant sunshine with this dismal attitude that there is absolutely nothing waiting for you there that your bed couldn’t have somehow provided better. Even if it wasn’t a class, maybe it was work. What could you possibly learn or encounter on that specific day that was worth getting up, putting on a (not so) good face and leaving the warmth of a comfortable place to fulfill your life’s obligations? All to often we have this challenging and difficult attitude and are utterly unappreciative of the many opportunities we have to grow and love and share each day.

Now you may be asking yourself why am I in such a philosophical mood? Yesterday in ballet, Lauren called to me across the room during grands battements. She said simply, “Olivia, if you’re going to fall, try to fall forward.” I continued my attempt at grands battements but apparently had a puzzled expression on my face because she said again, “You’re just off balance. If you’re going to fall, fall forward.” I nodded slightly, did the motion once more and got a smile and a there-ya-go before rejoining the line of students. I had understood just what Lauren meant in relation to my technique right away. I was falling through my sidekicks and needed to stabilize my supporting leg. The strain of my brow, however, was merely contemplation of the actual phrase — if you’re going to fall, fall forward. In the dance world, it’s the best way to regain balance and the best way to conceal your mistake. To the audience, falling forward looks much more intentional or at least is less noticeable than toppling back into your movements. It allows for a pause to get hold of your body, to refocus your steps, and to find your ballerina poise.

For me, in that particular moment as I swung my leg out beside my torso, the advice of my teacher seemed to sap me of any poise I’d found in the past three weeks. I was dumbfounded in the middle of the room with two grands battements to go (would’ve been three if I wasn’t so giraffe-like) just contemplating the inadvertent and deepest possible meaning of a statement, which had been meant to strengthen my position. This brings me back to my opening remarks about the selfish and unappealing mindset that we as humans take on at some point in our lives. Now why I needed to be standing in a dance studio to have this revelation, I do not know. I suppose that’s part of the journey.

When Lauren the dance instructor corrected my dance technique that Thursday morning, she was, in actuality, correcting my outlook though I doubt she realized it at all. When she suggested that I fall forward instead of back to catch my balance more gracefully, what she really said was to catch myself in forward motion whenever I see myself slipping up.

The morning thing is just one example because I know all of you can relate to it. Now, when I tell myself every Wednesday to fall forward into this like it’s the last Wednesday morning I’ll ever have, I try not to reminisce on the innumerable Wednesday mornings that I wasted being a huge jerk and only thinking of myself when there were a million other awesome things right in front of me because that fills me with regret and makes me kind of mad. Being human means messing up. It means blowing a few grands battements here and there and falling through your chassé-arabesque a couple of times. It also means shirking opportunities you don’t think you deserve and damaging feelings mindlessly just because you were having a rough day. And what can we do but fall headlong into these inevitable missteps to try to salvage what is left and learn from what is lost?

I’m finding more and more that life is screaming at me to get ahead of my mistakes and fix them before it’s too late. But is it really ever too late for those things that profoundly matter? I know for a fact it’s never too late to fail harder as long as you failed because you tried so hard and gave it everything you had and just fell face first into whatever you screwed up. Those things, those are the ones that have no statute of limitations. You can never not go back and give it another shot. For those endeavors in which you always had heart and gusto and the audacity to be something you never thought possible, I won’t say that you’ll always succeed because we can’t all be Kanye, but you will always fall forward with the grace and beauty of a prima ballerina. Even more good news, though our days here are numbered, there is no maximum number of times you can fail and no limit to the exceptional knowledge that can only be harvested from times that you saw you were falling, and you choose to fall forward.