Flowers In The Void
This is for the people who toe the line of being sad as fuck while still wanting something to believe in.
The last 10 months has felt like 3 different lifetimes. I found myself experiencing both sides of the coin every other week. Moments where I thought I found some sanity were quickly followed by long periods of sadness and questioning. As a creative, I think I constantly live in this duality of cynicism and inspiration, especially during times like these. It hurts to heal, it hurts to consume, to disconnect, to love, or even to have hope. Happiness in and of itself feels like a constant paradox.
When I started making new music at the beginning of this year the world started changing, therefore so did my material. Due the constant waves in my emotions it was hard. I was racing against the mythical clock we all created once we entered shut down AND trying to grapple with the pandemic race war happening outside my window. With nothing in my control, it wasn’t fun for me at all. Nothing I wrote felt genuine. I was trying to make music for the sake of being able to tell people how I wasn’t wasting any time during shut down and that I had become a devote abolitionist. Neither were true by the way. The stress and anxiety of it all were crippling most days and my ability to communicate this to friends and family fell short.
As a black person, going to a protest or even scrolling through my phone started to become one big trigger. Mentally, nothing felt safe and me trying to make songs with trendy words like “virus” or “justice” wasn’t making it any better. What I really needed to do was take a step back to rest and then focus on using music as my outlet verses just trying to chase clicks. That style wasn’t me at all. If the world is on fire, the last thing anyone should do is focus on impressing strangers.
I needed to go back to the basics and go inward. When I went to the studio, my only intention was to speak my truth, good or bad, whether it was directly related to what was going on in the world or just my personal life. And whatever came out was what it was going to be. It was my therapy, and without knowing I started to come out of the darkness a bit (Im lying, I’m still there but working on it). I started to believe that this weird vacuum of time we were in was not going to be forever. Nothing is. And the best thing I could do for myself and this world was to allow myself feel, work on the areas that needed healing, forgive myself on the days when I’m not ok, know I’m not perfect, and no matter what believe in good. Believe in art. Believe in love. As I created I began to feel like maybe there were people out there who were feeling like me, and the simplest thing I could contribute was to let them know they weren’t alone. So to those people, “Flowers In The Void” is for you. For the lovers, for those healing, for those out in the streets fighting, those grieving, the dreamers, people in pain, those who feel numb, or the “strong friend” suffering in silence, these flowers are for you. A small token to hopefully help hold you over until things get better. Some good in all this craziness. Something to believe in.
I hope it helps. See you November 6th.
LIVt
ps. In the meantinme: SADE TO INFINITY
