You Have A Choice

“Soon as I wake up keep an eye out for the snakes”
— Nicki Minaj, “No Frauds”

I talk a lot about toxic people. Let’s just get that out of the way now. Let’s just say I have more experience with them than I’d prefer to have, but they’ve taught me many lessons in my youth that I am grateful for. I know the warning signs almost instantly now.

I’ve seen so many people I care about, myself included, continue the cycle and allow these people to filter in and out of their lives, at our expense. These people are leeches. They create parasitic relationships, in which the “parasite,” or the toxic person benefits, at the expense of you, the “host.” Nothing mutual is to be gained, despite what they might want you to believe.

If you find yourself constantly being let down, led on, abused, or worse by these people on a constant basis, it’s time to move on. Fast. Consider each instance a red flag. They are hard to spot at first, but the more you allow, the more transparent their agenda becomes, and because you’re in too deep, it’s obvious to everyone, except you. This is important to remember when your friends are family are telling you the reasons why they don’t approve of this relationship, whatever type it may be.

Isn’t it “funny” (or blatantly obvious) how these people pop up at the most opportune times in your life? Holidays are around the corner? You’re finally improving or reaching your goals? You’re learning to love yourself, and move on from trauma?

Enter parasite. At this point, if you catch yourself thinking something like, “wow, they’ve changed!” or “they must care about me if they’re interested in what I’m doing,” then please slap yourself in the face. Snap out of it. It’s a trap!

These people are masters of manipulation, and they prey on weak people. Don’t be weak. Easier said than done, but you can start by doing some research, listening to your loved ones, loving yourself and stepping back to see things objectively. Look at the data. Ask yourself, “have they done this to me before?” and “what do they have to gain, and what do I have to lose if I let them back in?”

Just because someone is waiving a red flag, doesn’t mean you have to waive a white one. No negotiation required. Meaning, you have a choice of who stays in your life and who doesn’t.