Thank you for Dining

If I could tip you, I probably still wouldn’t

I like waitressing. It’s not a job I'm particularly proud of, I wouldn't try to impress someone by dropping it into conversation, but I like it. I like how my biggest worry is forgetting your orange juice. I like making people smile - even if it’s only because I brought you your Eggs Benedict. Most of all, I like that I get to observe people. I get to notice the little things, the things that make me remember you, other than that you like your Holly on the side.

This is an open letter to you, from me; the girl who pours your coffee.

Avocado Guy:

Thank you for being polite, thank you for showing me that everyone needs time alone to relax and unwind. Thank you for teaching me that using peoples names isn't arrogant, it’s polite. And that avocado can be eaten with anything.

Green Tea, Coffee and Fluffy Family:

Thank you for reading to your children, for changing your voice with different characters and for teaching them that it only takes a few minutes and a couple turns of a page to experience something new.

Latte in a Tulip Cup:

You should look closer to what’s right in front of you. Thank you for flirting with me, you make me smile — but your girlfriend isn't. She has a beautiful smile and laughs whole-heartly at your terrible jokes. Look at her and love her back.

Coffee on the Bar:

As much as I’m sure it is absolutely vital that you go to work, you should take a holiday. What ever you do that makes you drink your coffee like an alcoholic in a brewery isn't worth the frown lines, the grey hair and the feeble goodmorning. Go somewhere that wakes you up and come back and say Hello like you used to. Work can wait.

Sunday Fortnight:

As much as you think I can’t see you, please stop looking at my ass. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Before you think about what you'd like to do to me, turn around and look at what you should do to yourself. Drinking ten coffee’s with full fat milk isn't really a great way to start.

Two Sisters and a Mum:

You gave me the push to work on building my friendship with my Mum again. Thank you for reminding me that even though you can't pick family, sometimes you’d still pick them anyway. You can take the toast, I wouldn't charge you for it.

LB Blonde:

Your boyfriend is not worth a toothpick compared to you. His other girlfriend is rude and inconsiderate. They make a good couple. You can warm a room with a smirk, dump him and heat somebody else’s life — because next time, the Long Black’s on the house.

Friday Jokester:

Thank you for showing me that your partner should be somebody that you can laugh with — everyday, whether you're tired, stressed or hangry. I hope that when I’ve been married for 24 years my partner still laughs with me like yours does. He looks at you and doesn't see fireworks, he sees a nuclear explosion.