One major challenge is differentiating between situations we can manage and those we cannot control and determining what to do about them.
It's tempting to want to repair everything when things are difficult. While you may want to help with all the issues around you, taking on too much might result in stress and burnout, detracting from the things you can control.
The most excellent course of action would be to concentrate on the areas of life you can directly influence instead. This would enable you to make changes while also keeping your well-being. You can achieve this with the Circle of Concern vs. the Circle of Influence.
The Circle of Influence is where proactive people concentrate their efforts. They focus on issues that they can influence. Their positive energy expands and magnifies, which causes their circle of influence to grow. Proactive people base their decisions on their values. They deliberate before acting. They understand that while they have no control over everything that occurs to them, they do have power over their response.
On the other hand, reactive people concentrate their efforts on the Circle of Concern. They focus on other people's flaws, environmental issues, and external factors over which they have little control. Their concentration leads to accusatory and blaming attitudes, defensive speech, and heightened victimisation sentiments. Their Circle of Influence contracts due to the lousy energy created by that emphasis and the neglect of matters over which they had control.
Sometimes being happy and sincerely enjoying are the most proactive things we can do.
Happiness is a proactive choice, just like unhappiness. While concentrating on the things we can control, we can be content and accept the things we currently don't have any influence over.
*How do you build a Circle of Influence?*
Try this Circle of Influence Exercise
1. Draw a large circle on a big piece of paper
2. Write your areas of concern in the circle. Call it a circle of concern.
3. Draw another circle in the centre of the first circle. Call it the Circle of Control.
4. Identify areas of concern you can actively control, write them in the centre of the Circle of Control and strike them out in the circle of concern.
5. Draw a third circle between the circles of Concern and Control. Call it the Circle of Influence.
6. Consider how you might impact the concerns in the circle of concern you could influence if you can't control them.
7. Review every concern in the Circle of Concern and write them in the Circle of Influence.
You'll discover that some of the concerns can be addressed directly in the Circle of Control when you look into them more profoundly and if you approach them differently.
If you have challenges with this exercise or need more clarity, we can schedule a time to discuss it. In my next post, I'll discuss expanding your influence circle.
With love,
Nihinlola E. Olowe
Counselling psychologist
