CURSE WORDS GOT NOTHING ON ME?
In the past six years, I have had the opportunity to live with twelve people at different points in time. This happened because I lived in the school hostel and changed rooms almost yearly. As a sociology student, I have always been aware that proximity could make me unconsciously imitate some attributes that my roommates possess, so I am usually conscientious and cautious in my choice and interactions. However, the choice of my present roommate was beyond my power; she was imposed on me by the hostel matron. I spent the first few weeks observing her behaviour and soon realized she was delightful. The only clause was her choice of words. I have always been huge on words and their usage, as I’m not fond of curse words or offensive words. However, my roommate did not think the same; she expressed herself in whatever way she felt comfortable. Initially, I thought it would be manageable because she said most words in the Russian language; little did I know that passive socialization was more potent than my resolutions.
On a particular Tuesday evening, I had come home from school to find that my stuff had been tampered with. To react to this, my brain processed the first word my roommate always said when she was annoyed, when something wasn’t going how she wanted it, or when she did not understand something. I could feel the word leave my brain and almost come out of my mouth, but I was fast enough to stop myself. I was very shocked. Little did I know that was the beginning. From that moment, it started to deteriorate. I picked up two major offensive words from her, but because I was firmly determined and against offensive words, most were my mental comment and reaction, but my mouth said otherwise.
This was passive socialization at work. Socialization is the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society. Depending on your type of exposure, this norm or ideology could be negative or positive. If you grew up seeing your parents abuse each other verbally, this would be your notion of how marriage should be. Sometimes we learn things consciously, but many times we do not. That is why you know that song’s lyrics simply because your friend has been playing it all day, even though you never took the time to learn it.
Because of this high tendency to easily copy and do, we must be conscious of what we expose ourselves to. You might think you disagree with a particular ideology or notion, but if you consistently put yourself in a position where such a notion is glorified, you might soon find yourself doing the same. We are not as strong as we think!
What is the way forward? Resocialization
I realized thinking of an offensive word as a response but saying otherwise was hypocritical. I knew the first step to change was to leave the environment that fostered it. Since I could not leave the room, I had to ensure I was mentally unavailable. I got more intentional with using my AirPods to prevent myself from listening to her, then consistently fed myself with the content I considered decent. It was a process that took time! But it was not as difficult because I had identified the issue and was intentional about stopping it.
While I speak of language, the same goes for every area of life. I do not know what values you uphold, but to sustain them, hold them close to your heart and be mindful that you do not expose yourself to content that says otherwise. For example, you cannot claim to stand for modesty in dressing and watch music videos or movies where naked women and sexual immorality are glorified and think your stance would not be affected. Once again, you are not as strong as you think.
