Is Being an Alpha Male Necessary?
A few days ago, I met with some friends, and we found ourselves discussing the “alpha male, beta male, sigma male” concept. Prior to this, I had only heard a lot about the “alpha male”, and that is because the majority of my male friends referred to themselves as this. During the course of the conversation, I referred to one of my male friends as a beta male. He immediately ran towards me, as if to pounce on me (literally), and kept repeating, “I am an alpha male.” After succumbing to the threat, I agreed he was an Alpha male. Then he looked proud, heads high, shoulders up, and said, “You see, I am an alpha male.”
This was not the first time something like this was happening. I remember another conversation with a friend who came repeating to me that he was an alpha male (however, based on the dynamics of the relationship that we had, I could not see him in the light he tried to project).
Of course, this scenario sparked curiosity in my mind as I wondered what was so special about the alpha male.
What made a thing of pride to be addressed as one?
Dealing with the first thing first… where did this terminology originate from?
Author David Mech originally used the phrase “alpha male” in his book “The Wolf: Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species.” The dominant males in wolf packs who command the pack and mate with the more feminine women tend to be referred to as apex alpha males.
I always knew that “alpha male” was a term used in the animal kingdom, but I wanted to know about it, especially in regard to human behavior.
Bringing it back to Humans…
An alpha male is a member of a social group who dominates and is influential. The mindset of an alpha leader is one of power, assurance, assertiveness, and mastery over his surroundings. He can inspire, lead, and encourage people around him while still feeling superior to his peers. When things get tough, an alpha male syndrome trend tends to step up and give others around him direction and stability.
A true alpha male is characterized by a multitude of traits and attributes, such as physical attractiveness, strength, character, dominance, decisiveness, and a commanding presence.
As I read further, I realized that there were a lot of other variations to the male division beyond alpha, beta, and sigma. In fact, the whole characterization got so tiring to read, but it was clear that the alpha male is the most desirable.
The Alpha male pressure.
I would not have had an issue with these male characterizations if not for the problems that I see it creating in the male environment.
Why does every man want to be addressed as an alpha male? Why is it shameful to be seen as a beta (one who takes a more subservient role in social or professional situations) male? What consequence would this have on the male gender in the long run?
These were my main issues. Seeing the reactions of my friends clamor to be someone they are not naturally, even aggressively, scared me.
On a personal note, I found the beta male spectrum (based on definition) to be more desirable as compared to the alpha male, but my opinion did not matter. “Most girls love alpha males,” they said.
What happens when I am not an Alpha male?
When I look at my male friends, I realize that they are a whole breed of different species. Some are more assertive than others, others are more decisive, and some are stronger (physically and emotionally), but in all of this, I do not consider any of them less than a man. I simply see people evolving into becoming a unique version of their manliness.
These characterizations are based on personality, and they would not play much of a role when it comes to success, especially when you have mastered yourself. The assertive guy does not always make the best decisions, the decisive ones are not usually the most understanding.
Allowing stereotypes and societal characterizations to affect the way you view yourself is nothing but bondage.
When I consider the transgender movement, I hear these transwomen (biological males) talk about how they feel like women on the inside. However, all I see are men who have found it hard to fit into the societal stereotypes of who a man should be. Since they cannot fit in, they believe that their biological sex must be wrong.
I know that as a woman, there is no special feeling that comes with the female sex.
You should know that based on nurture, or maybe even nature, some men are more reserved, laidback, and homely. This does not make them less of a man. Societal constructs evolve; the requirements change, and one must not base their life decision around them.
What should every man strive for?
I am not a man, and maybe I do not know a lot about the male gender, but I searched the scriptures to help me find instructions that pertaineth (KJV) to just men, and these two verses struck me particularly because they tend to project the male gender in an alpha male-ish vibe.
The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Genesis 2:15
If any man not provide for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel. 1 Timothy 5:8
Forgive that I am a woman and saying this, but men are created to tend, keep, and provide. This is not societal but scriptural instructions. This does not mean that you must be domineering or extremely assertive or physically attractive (as research says), it simply means that you are able to do what God expects of you based on the abilities that He has given you. Being laid back and reserved does not mean you cannot fulfill your destiny.
Battle Your Insecurities and Excel
When we talk about esteem and insecurities, society is usually so quick to look at the female gender, but over time, I have realized that men also face a serious level of insecurity, especially in relation to success.
Dear young man,
I need you to know that regardless of your personality type, you have all that you need to excel. The moment you stop comparing yourself to other males who have probably had different experiences that you have had, you will realize that you need for success is to believe that you are blessed with the ability to succeed.
Oluchi.
I will end with this thought that came to mind as I wrote — Maybe you are not a beta male; maybe you are just a lazy person.
