Pretty privilege is not a fair exchange for your peace & tranquility
3 things men MUST look for in a woman to avoid chaos, stress and frustration
Dignity and respect are non-negotiable
Her pretty face, nice body may be just window dressing and distraction from the smell of brimstone warning you that she’s bringing hell.
Dear Nephew
You are bombarded on a daily basis with images of naturally and artificially beautiful women in various states on undress.
So as a result of biological/neurological wiring and media jamming, young men are inclined to pick a woman to pursue solely based on her physical attractiveness.
Then get sucked in by the Halo effect, projecting her good looks as an indication of her other attributes.
Even when proven wrong about her character, men console themselves that she’s gorgeous and other guys envy him
While attraction is important, here are traits that are more important for a relationship to function than what her face or body look like.
The getting to know or the talking stage is about discovering other things about her outside of her appearance.
Don’t waste it scheming how to get a kiss, or sex that you miss red flags.
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR:
ACCOUNTABILITY: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
Can she admit when she’s wrong?
When she’s done or said something that created a problem.
Can she say “Opps, my mistake” or does she constantly blame others, circumstances, situations, society, the patriarchy etc.
Or is nothing ever her fault and she becomes defensive immediately and points fingers?
Does she use SIGN language
Shaming — Attack your identity as a man. The cultural expectations of men and her own expectations from men, to shame you for not matching it.
That’s why they say “a real man would” “if you were a real man” “as a man it’s your duty to” “you’re just a broke guy, that’s why” “your mates are buying things for their girlfriend and you can’t”
Insults — “You aren’t a real man”. “You’re a failure as a man”. “You’re a coward”. “You’re a useless man”
Guilt- “If you loved me you would do it for me”. “If you really loved me i wouldn’t have to ask, you would know my needs.”
Need to be Right- This is when despite evidence she won’t admit being wrong, misunderstanding or missing the point. She then deflects or redirects the conversation, changes the topic, just because she needs to be right.
If you can observe her as she interacts with others, online and offline, strangers, friends, family, the better. This can be done in the getting to know stage.
That’s the advantage of hangouts and group activities.
Experience does not have to be YOUR experience to learn from it.
KIND(NESS): a forbearing nature, a sympathetic or helpful nature
Is she Kind? How does she speak and behave when disappointed? When something goes wrong? When she does not get her way?
Does she go from 0 -100 and say cruel things then defend it with “you provoked me” or gives a platitude apology which isn’t followed up by change in behaviour?
I had a friend like that, very pretty, would go ballistic and say cruel things over misunderstanding and misinterpretations. Then defend it as if it was my fault.
Life throws a lot of curve balls.
Things wont always go our way, most of life is a struggle regardless of income.
A kind partner makes it easier to cope on those days.
There is no point fighting the world and fighting the person you give your heart and time to the rest of the day.
Everybody has their low days and we all slip up but serially being cruel and mean-spirited in words and actions is a character flaw.
It’s a choice because they know conflict avoidant men will give in, let it slide, do anything to stop it.
It’s a cruel power play and there is no level of beauty or mind-blowing sex that can make it tolerable long term.
Mark and Avoid. Don’t get gaslit with “a real man would know how to handle me” “a real man would love her till she changes” “a gentleman would…”
You are not a rehabilitation centre for a petulant juvenile in an adult body, no matter how attractive the packaging.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion
CONTENTED: feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation
These days it’s easy for people to disguise their greed, entitlement and materialism with “Gifts are my love language”.
So they have endless demands and expectations. Nothing is ever enough. Their desires are like a blackhole an endless void.
No matter how expensive what she got last week, if she doesn’t get what she wants this week she’s in a mood, throws a tantrum, becomes distant or threatens to get it from another man.
Love language can be a scam in the hands of a con artist and manipulative woman who knows how to use her voice, body and wiles to make a man she knows is attracted to her, to do what she wants.
A contented woman is not constantly comparing herself and her life with her friends, strangers online or what tv commercials tell her she’s missing out on.
She can be ambitious, go-getting and inspire you to achieve high goals but she is not depressed or complaining about not having material thing nor does she pressure you to buy everything that catches her fancy.
This doesn’t mean you won’t do things for or be a gift giver because she doesn’t ask.
It does mean that she’ll appreciate the things you do and not compare them to what another man did for his woman.
Life is long and should not be filled with people who intentionally make it stressful for their personal gain and pleasure.
There is more to a relationship with a woman than how pleasing she is to look at and be seen with.
(External)Physical beauty depreciates so don’t get fixated on it.
A pretty face really doesn’t matter if she’s berating you in public. Weaponises your vulnerability at a low moment.
Well, it does matter cos people watching will assume you are the villain and will take her side. That’s pretty privilege.
Even if it doesn’t it becomes irrelevant and last thing on your mind when her lack of character smells like rotten eggs.
Focus on the beauty of her character and her soul. Those things she cant put cosmetics or a weave to create an alter ego.
You can make some of these observation as an acquaintance, a casual friend or have friends who aren’t emotional attached to her, help you observe objectively.
That’s the advantage of hanging out in group settings where there are less social masks.
Because even the slob whose house is filled with the stench of unwashed clothes and one-week old dishes, cleans up and appears pristine at a job interview, party or church.
There is a wonderful woman out there who you’ll have an amazing relationship with. You just have to keep your eyes open.
She may not come in the packaging that the world says is a “catch” that’s why you need a different set of criteria than everyone else.
Make smart choices kiddo.
Your Uncle
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