Oluwaseun Okunlola
Nov 6 · 3 min read

So Will I

Knowing how many times my words have gotten me into trouble, I won’t be singing “So Will I” for the foreseeable future. As an example, at one time, I prayed that God would boast about me with Satan the same way He boasted of Job.

That was the official beginning of a Job like experience. Delayed expectations; frustrated plans; dreams and hopes aborted in the high noon of their lives; folk that do not understand where all this is coming from; the folks coming at me with all sorts of advice and ideas for redemption; managed depressions and burnouts; mismanaged in the end, leading to a month in the psychiatric ward. These were the results of that prayer. I spent over 17 years of struggle with the dark thoughts and prisons of a bipolar mind. Chemical and environmental triggers and enhancers of my depressive bouts were not the root. The root was my demand, “Explain, Thou, God of the universe.”

If I learned anything during that period, it was that I must set a guard over the doorways of my mouth. Solomon was right. We must come circumspectly to the Eternal. There is no folly so great as loose words in the presence of the One for whom The Word is The Life, The Truth and The Way.

For this reason, I will not sing “So Will I”. I will smile and wait my turn. May God bless the worship leader that demands the opening of my mouth because a curse might be closer to the tongue than the blessing, I have sent ahead of me.

“So Will I” would have me saying, “God of creation…as You speak a hundred billion galaxies are born. In the vapor of Your breath the planets form. If the stars were made to worship, So Will I. I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made. Every burning star…a signal fire of grace. If creation sings Your praises, SO WILL I!

God of Your promise…as You speak, a hundred billion creatures catch Your breath. Evolving in pursuit of what You said. If it all reveals Your nature, So Will I. I can see Your heart in everything You say. Every painted sky…a canvas of Your grace. If creation still obeys You, So Will I.

If the stars were made to worship, So Will I. If the mountains bow in reverence, So Will I. If the oceans roar Your greatness, So Will I. For if everything exists to lift You high, So Will I. If the wind goes where You send it, So Will I. If the rocks cry out in silence, So Will I.

God of salvation…as You speak, a hundred billion failures disappear where You lost Your life so I could find it here. If You left the grave behind You, So Will I. I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done. Every part designed in a work of art called love. If You gladly chose surrender, So Will I. I can see Your heart eight billion different ways. Every precious one, a child You died to save. If You gave Your life to love them, SO WILL I.”

Me, the tiny puny me, to come before the Almighty saying, so will I. What if He takes my commitments seriously? What if he begins to build His kingdom upon the promise of my commitments? The thought scares me. Doesn’t it scare you? I am struck with fear and trembling. Aren’t you?

Maybe someday soon I will be able to sing it from a place where my faith meets my willingness to work it out. Until then I admire the gumption of those who can sing. Either that or I stare in the faces of those singing and try to separate the true worshiper from the hypocrite that I might be encouraged by the appropriate role model.

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