My pen is the finest instrument of amazement, entertainment, motivation and enjoyment, chasing each other across pages.

PERSONAL ESSAY

Penetrate the darkness which clouded over the fate of one girl

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This story begins in a sheepfold — it associates with kids — gropes its way through dreadful life mutilation, and stops where only death reigns.

I reveal this tale in the first person — the way it was told to me by my cousin, let it be written. I’ll use all my mastery over the written word to give it the voice and mood of the people involved.

I was guilty of an act of naughtiness every time I had any chance to tax my parents’ patience. How mischievous I was — matters of no moment. You can laugh at my awkwardness, my stammering, and slowness at some other time. My parents were too much absorbed in daily hassles to fight against my whims and screams. I wanted a dog, and when my mom agreed with few objections, I chose the ugliest little creature ever existent. I always was the black sheep of the flock, and my dog was no better. Not any child but me could have picked such a nasty little beast. When my mom was holding my hand in front of a cage with the eight offsprings of our neighbor’s huge German King Shepherd, I saw her scowl at the little baldy black pup — and I knew instantly which one to take home with me. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

My best friend happened to be a monomaniac

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Her boyfriend falling in love with me was the last link that held back her devilish hatred.

Eva and I were friends from the first day in college. For seven years, we were spending hours together, talking in person and on the phone. She was a year older and had an air of superiority about her. Now I know I felt some patronage chord in her attitude towards me. A simple village girl, I was shy and sensitive to every misfortune and any offender — easy prey for a person in need of dominance.

Our decision to live together was an odious ordeal destined for a devastating failure. I realized much later the reasons for Eva’s abusive ignorance and suppressive silence at that time. I’m not sure if her unfortunate love affair with a man from the States whom she met on a dating website was one of them. Their love story started when my love story ended. I got married early, and admitting this mistake changed me drastically. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

The valuable wisdom of the Tao Te Ching teaches how to avoid a common blunder of many otherwise happy couples

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Phantasmagoric guarantors of family happiness are care above any considerations and love beyond any measure.

43rd Verse

The softest of all things overrides the hardest of all things.

That without substance enters where there is no space. Hence I know the value of nonaction.

Teaching without words, performing without actions — few in the world can grasp it — that is the master’s way.

Rare indeed are those who obtain the beauty of this world.

- Lao-Tzu 2nd Verse of “Tao Te Ching.”

The Tao Te Ching, a book of wisdom, is considered by many scholars as teaching that guarantees a balanced, peaceful, and happy life. Eighty-one verses and about 100 short passages in this book of Chinese keeper of the imperial archives Lao-Tzu, can be applied to building a family. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

How lazy life attitude can feel good and gift you with new happiness

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Languor has all the diablerie that can come from the toffee and coffee and just as much my craving to it.

When I am close to becoming stressed, I leave only self, self, self — and find a blissful fascination in stripping my life of the finery with which schedules and expectations clothe it. Idleness thaws the icicles in my heart, making me spend time with myself and thinking about what I want. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

I don’t need wine, cos’ I’m intoxicated with words

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Bury yourself in an inexplicable sweetness of my words.

The walls are never a prison, and any roof never stifles me. I manage to preserve the adventurism while being locked and isolated, for my words are real, as solid and true as every imaginable experience. They are the product of chaos, clutter, greed, insatiable hunger — love, tender feeling, sexual satisfaction, loving enthusiasm, and every possible set of emotions and reactions.

Like a hundred amorets, a swarm of words flies about my head. They leap from idea to idea and shot their arrows of completed sentences and passages into my willing heart. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

Real love is quiet, calm, and boring.

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Loose and misguided young fellows look for fireworks in love to continue. It is exhausting to look for a long time at the multitude of colors with your eyes open.

He was a forest, immeasurable, pathless, and enchanted. He was luring me to a lifelong adventure. Being close to this person made me feel intoxicated with passionate joy, intrigued by the insanity of his feeling toward me. No other handsome man had ever cast this spell on me. Was he my passport to happiness?

I didn’t have an agenda for my love. I didn’t form an idea of how it should turn out. I just wanted to feel intensely alive, glorious, and independent. Among all probabilities, is it possible that so much passion, adoration, gentle calm assurance, and strength of feeling can be hidden in one person? He seemed to unite some of the best sensations that distract, inform, admonish, and amuse. Indeed, at first, I was in too much discomposure of mind. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

She had acquired only delight from the perusal of the years together

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When the despair of death eats into your soul, the only consolation left is to live in a fool’s paradise of happy memories.

Time is a perfect filter. It clears the memory of emotions suffered through.

My father was aggressively cheerful and terribly charismatic. He began every conversation with passion and ended it in an obsession. Women always had conceived for him a dog-like adoration. My mother accepted it rebelliously, but it caused her pain. She looked upon it as a cross that her shoulders were strong enough to bear. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

I know in my heart that ‘I cannot promise’ and ‘No’ is worth saying

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Spiritual topsy-turvydome is released when you pull its ugly nose and rejoice at the universal lack of activity.

Of late, I witnessed an urgent need to educate myself in all the riff-raffs of the art of promising nothing.

We were married for only a year, and we were comic in a tragedy of our incongruities. I was all the unconscious and elementary promising and planning. He was an utter superiority in relaxation, passionate leisure, and relief. I thirsted first and last to know what happens next, to clear the picture of tomorrow. My husband needed to get clear of the whole poisonous atmosphere of ‘must-s’ and ‘have to-s’. He wanted to say “I don’t know” to any question involving the exact timing of any activity. He craved for freedom to change his mind in an hour’s, and even a minute’s time consulting only his fancy. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

These methods awaken self-love and gentle inner peace

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I will carry the burden of misery and angry emotions away from your life. My words will penetrate the silence of your pain, the night in your head.

I am a great mixture of different feelings. My emotional distress used to run me into a blind alley each time I had any misunderstanding with my husband, friends, acquaintances. I didn’t express my distress openly, on the contrary — I always was a very amiable person to spend time with, very quiet, calm, and visibly tranquil. But my inner passions used to surge, and I was losing inner control and… my peace was vanishing with it. Even my health failed. …


PERSONAL ESSAY

Crossing into this world through your body is a miracle

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How great a privilege is yours to carry this proof of giving birth.

I am determined to be naughty, to tease you, and put in a passion, so you don’t give a second to fruitless lamentations about lost smoothness and vanished firmness. Your looks, as they are, are precious. Forget all negative expressions, voicing none. You should not regret the aftereffects, which helped you become a Mother.

I was not in the least put out by these comments

These exclamations burst from strangers often, “It is huge. You’re having twins, aren’t you?” “Put me wise. Your due date is quite soon, isn’t it?”

This is my favorite, “Looks like you are going to have a bi..i..ig girl? I know it by the shape of your belly.” …

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