“The One”: a social construct or actual need?
Is it normal to want to find ONE person to spend your life with?
(writer’s note: this was written about 3 months ago. I only released it to the world now after editing out the extreme bitterness and ‘biting’ wit.)
another article lamenting relationships? what a shock. </sarcasm>
nearly everyone talks about finding the one person they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with. it goes something like this: there’s someone out there for everyone, so don’t worry if you’re just getting out of a relationship that didn’t go anywhere, of if you’ve been single for eons, because you’ll find that special somebody, right?
lately i’ve begun thinking very differently about the relationships we get into, specifically the romantic ones. to me, nobody is guaranteed to find their “one”. for some, they find themselves extremely lucky to find someone who they truly can spend the rest of their lives with; others go from relationship to relationship, never quite getting what they want. whether it’s a matter of personality or other baggage is another story entirely.
we like to think of “meant to be” as something that will last forever until death do us part. the reality, however, is that while we may yet find that special someone, there’s no guarantee on them being “the one” that you spend your life with. finding “the one” is very comforting, but it’s a sort of false comfort, if you think about it; perhaps they’re only meant to be there for a season of time. whether or not there’s a lesson involved is a part of it that is usually overlooked.
is “finding the one” denying some part of ourselves that can’t spend our lives with just one person? is it an agreed-upon construct that makes those who don’t follow that construct look strange and foreign? or is it really something that we’re supposed to do as humans? what if “the one” isn’t the right person for you? i suppose all of those questions depend on your frame of reference and what you believe in. happiness in the form of mating is a luxury not guaranteed to all. perhaps it’s time we were honest with ourselves about that instead of judging others when they don’t find it. and perhaps we should be happier for those that do find it; in a world where love is ever faster fleeting, finding that one person is getting harder and harder.