How My Dating Life and the Fyre Festival are Basically the Same

Both would be better if everyone just stayed home.

Fyrst date or Fyre Fest?

Both my dating life and Fyre Festival…

  • Exist because of an app
  • Are well-documented on the internet
  • Involve misspelled words as a form of advertising
  • Require two million dollars in alcohol
  • Usually depend on someone putting out (fires or otherwise)
  • Lack basic infrastructure to be fully successful
  • Know canceling is always the best option, but still forge ahead
  • Star millennials with comical judgement
  • Wouldn’t be complete without a sea of pigs
  • No one really knows what’s going on until it’s over
  • Tend to feature a delusional white guy from Manhattan
  • Ultimately, a truckload of baggage is revealed
  • Gross shortage of people who want to invest
  • The organizers would likely still do it again––despite the hotly discussed and ill-fated aftermath
  • Many still haven’t been paid for their hard work and suffering
  • Ends with someone saying “I too was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hood winked, lead astray!!!”
  • A cheese sandwich in a disaster-relief tent somehow isn’t the worst thing that could happen