The Racist American Girl® Doll Collection
Collect all six! And put ’em in your garbage can!
Beauty. Grace. Compassion. Character.
Our newest collection of dolls have no idea what those things are.
Available in six shades of white, now you can bring this iconic figure from our nation’s past and present into your home or garbage can!
These dolls are trying to change the world — one futile harassment at a time! For fun, she loves regulating shared spaces, threatening people of color who are just minding their own damn business and playing the villain in short indie films. She continuously sets an example for girls of all ages of how not to treat others, and her best friends are other white people and the police. She is most identifiable by her misguided confidence and signature (ar)resting bitch face!
While our standard dolls stand proudly at 18 inches, the Racist Collection was carefully crafted to be only four inches tall — about as small as they’ve made others feel. (Usually we say our dolls “Celebrate Your Inner Star,” but for this timely assortment, there’s nothing to celebrate, so we’ve updated the tagline to just: “911 is for Emergencies Only.”)
Each doll is historically accurate and comes with a cellphone, wrap-around sunglasses, their own viral video and a mini unemployment check!
Ethnicity: Super white
Style: Running-to-Walmart-real-quick casual
Likes: Thwarting eight-year-olds’ dreams
Catchphrase: “Stop selling water while black or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: Small-business permit inspector
Ethnicity: Literally could not be more white
Style: Volleyball coach meets unofficial-park-ranger chic
Likes: Ruining a perfectly great day to grill some goddamn meat outside
Catchphrase: “Stop using a charcoal grill while black or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: Host of BBQ Wars on the Food Network
Ethnicity: MAGA-rally white
Style: Classic Americana apparel (think: flag tankini with a bald eagle on the crotch)
Likes: Swimming while racist
Catchphrase: “Stop being black in the pool or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: Lifeguard who doesn’t save lives, just guards the pool
Ethnicity: Basically see-through white
Style: Sale items from the Big(ot) & Tall store
Likes: Wasting city resources by using cops to “communicate” with neighbors
Catchphrase: “Stop mowing my lawn while black or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: American hero / 911 operator
Ethnicity: Straight up ghost
Style: Anything smelling of mothballs
Likes: Being a little ‘ol lady with nothing better to do
Catchphrase: “Stop selling candy while black or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: Part-time grocery store manager
Ethnicity: You already know
Style: Confusing seasonal choices (think: knee-high pleather boots in the summer)
Likes: Making sidewalks great again
Catchphrase: “Stop being a person of color just trying to make a living or I’m calling the police.”
Dream job: Small-business permit inspector, ideally, but those jobs are in high-demand
Each dumb doll is handcrafted with hate in the U.S. of A.