The Racist American Girl® Doll Collection

Collect all six! And put ’em in your garbage can!

Each doll comes with a tiny pre-set cellphone so she can call her best friends (the cops).

Beauty. Grace. Compassion. Character.

Our newest collection of dolls have no idea what those things are.

Available in six shades of white, now you can bring this iconic figure from our nation’s past and present into your home or garbage can!

These dolls are trying to change the world — one futile harassment at a time! For fun, she loves regulating shared spaces, threatening people of color who are just minding their own damn business and playing the villain in short indie films. She continuously sets an example for girls of all ages of how not to treat others, and her best friends are other white people and the police. She is most identifiable by her misguided confidence and signature (ar)resting bitch face!

While our standard dolls stand proudly at 18 inches, the Racist Collection was carefully crafted to be only four inches tall — about as small as they’ve made others feel. (Usually we say our dolls “Celebrate Your Inner Star,” but for this timely assortment, there’s nothing to celebrate, so we’ve updated the tagline to just: “911 is for Emergencies Only.”)

Each doll is historically accurate and comes with a cellphone, wrap-around sunglasses, their own viral video and a mini unemployment check!

Permit Patty™️

Ethnicity: Super white

Style: Running-to-Walmart-real-quick casual

Likes: Thwarting eight-year-olds’ dreams

Catchphrase: “Stop selling water while black or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: Small-business permit inspector

BBQ Becky™️

Ethnicity: Literally could not be more white

Style: Volleyball coach meets unofficial-park-ranger chic

Likes: Ruining a perfectly great day to grill some goddamn meat outside

Catchphrase: “Stop using a charcoal grill while black or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: Host of BBQ Wars on the Food Network

Pool Patrol Paula™️

Ethnicity: MAGA-rally white

Style: Classic Americana apparel (think: flag tankini with a bald eagle on the crotch)

Likes: Swimming while racist

Catchphrase: “Stop being black in the pool or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: Lifeguard who doesn’t save lives, just guards the pool

Lawnmower Lucy™️

Ethnicity: Basically see-through white

Style: Sale items from the Big(ot) & Tall store

Likes: Wasting city resources by using cops to “communicate” with neighbors

Catchphrase: “Stop mowing my lawn while black or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: American hero / 911 operator

Candy Bar Cora™️

Ethnicity: Straight up ghost

Style: Anything smelling of mothballs

Likes: Being a little ‘ol lady with nothing better to do

Catchphrase: “Stop selling candy while black or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: Part-time grocery store manager

Permit Betty™️

Ethnicity: You already know

Style: Confusing seasonal choices (think: knee-high pleather boots in the summer)

Likes: Making sidewalks great again

Catchphrase: “Stop being a person of color just trying to make a living or I’m calling the police.”

Dream job: Small-business permit inspector, ideally, but those jobs are in high-demand

Each dumb doll is handcrafted with hate in the U.S. of A.