Self-Esteem Is Not Overblown Ego.
Are we inflating our children’s egos when trying to build their self-esteem?
With the rise of narcissistic personality disorder, this is a legitimate concern for parents.
What is the difference between self-esteem and an inflated ego?
Self-esteem is the belief that a child has in herself; the belief that regardless of any outcome she is lovable and capable person with so much to contribute and with a good chance to succeed.
High self-esteem motivates the child to continue to work even after failure. It gives the child the courage to speak up in face of injustice. It equips the child with confidence to say “no” to friends when they pressure him to engage in harmful behavior.
High self-esteem breeds courage. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. When we think that we are unlovable and incapable, our self-esteem drops. We feel discouraged.
Can a child have too much self-esteem?
Self-esteem sometimes gets a bad rap from people who think that parental praise over minor achievement is causing children to have overblown egos and to act as if they can do no wrong. These children seem to be just plain self-centered and arrogant. The risk is real but what to do about it?
How can parents foster a healthy dose of high self-esteem in their children?
There is more to building self-esteem than much repeated words of praise.
These four steps can guide you on how to proceed:
- Stimulate independence instead of overprotection and pampering.
If you are doing things for your child on a regular basis that she could do for herself, if you often rescue her from the consequences of her misbehavior, you are pampering and overprotecting your child. At one point your child will feel entitled to these services. Instead let your child do her own self-care routines and assign her chores to contribute to the family.
2. Build on strength instead of focusing on mistakes.
A child feels like a failure when his parents constantly point out his mistakes and seem to notice only his weaknesses.
A key to building successful behavior, however, is to focus the majority of your feedback on what your kid is doing right. This is tremendously encouraging to your child.
Acknowledge what your child does well. Then teach them what they need to improve, in baby steps. As your child tries her best, appreciate the effort.
3. Showing confidence instead of expecting too little.
If people who are important to you don't believe in your ability, you probably won’t believe in it either.
Here are some ways to show confidence in your children:
Give responsibility according to their ability. Ask your child’s opinion or advice. Avoid the temptation to take over. Expect success and positive behavior.
4. Value the child as is instead of expecting too much.
The goal of this approach is to communicate to our children that win or lose, pass or fail, we are still their parents, and we are glad of it.
To value the child as is parents must:
Separate worth from accomplishment. A child’s worth is less a matter of what he does, and more a matter of who he is.
Separate worth from misbehavior. There are no bad children, only bad behavior. Refrain from shaming or labeling children for their misbehavior.
Appreciate your child’s uniqueness. All people are equal, but all people are not the same. Appreciate your child uniqueness by taking an interest in her activities. Celebrate the gifts she is given.
In conclusion, let’s keep in mind that high self-esteem is the source of courage. And courage is of the core traits needed in this worldly life full of trials and tribulations.
Let’s do our part in fostering both courage and self-esteem in our beloved children. This is a great way to prepare them not only to survive in life but to also thrive in this world and the next, insha'Allah.
