To sit calmly with a smile on your face .. or without.
You watch TV, work, go to the toilet, sit with your children, sleep, move and do your thing the way you always do. But inside, you are shaking.
A lump in your throat, tears frozen behind a cold shield, threatening to gush out at any moment. Screams hiding at the back of your mouth, probably will slip out .. or not.. if that glass slips and falls.
Chills running down your spine, rising and falling like stormy tides, and something inside you keeps falling out of its place, followed by a horrifying sensation of void in the middle of your chest. You can’t breathe normally.
Your breaths are short, fast and shallow, as you fight for oxygen. There is sweat inside you that doesn’t show on your forehead, your eyes are unfocused, but no one can tell; your hands are shaky, but no one can see, because you are always on the move. You can’t sit alone, but you can’t sit with them either. And their questions .. oh.. their questions and attention make you panic even more.