In My Search for Uniqueness, I Decided Not to Settle for The Back-Up Option
I am searching for a niche; a degree of uniqueness on to what I will be doing next in my life, I decided not to settle. I accomplished 95% of my goals by 45 and now I need a new set of goals for my next 45 to 50 years on this earth. My main idea falls in the lines that I want to set goals using my faith in my G-d and the gifts my L-rd has given me to stablish those set of new goals. For now, I have goal number one. And because I must have something to look forward to for the next day, I started with number one yesterday. Goal number one I decided to add to my list yesterday is to search and create something unique. I want to create something that I, would consider unique. What others may consider as unique may be different than what I consider unique. However, I have chosen a standard for my uniqueness. I’ll talk about that standard some other time. On the other hand, I want to say that I want to make my goals doable for me and something that may have short term success points, and be a long-term life style achievements. Furthermore, I decided not to settle for the back-up option, even though it may be the easier, safer or the more sensible option. The challenge began yesterday with my search for a new place to live
The news of my Army retirement came like a buck of ice cold water. I was not ready for retirement. I has been saving but like many American I lost a lot in 2008–10 and I am yet to recover. I own a home in Maryland. However, I no longer can afford to live in it. I placed it in the market for sale and it is under contract. In my search for a place to live, the number one consideration for a place is me having a strong support group. I have no spouse or children, why having a strong support group my number one consideration onto the place I am moving? The answer is that I have a mental illness. I am doing better and have very good doctors that are helping me manage my illness. I may write about that some other time, for now I will say taking risks is hard for me. Going back to finding a place to live; I decide to move to Florida because my parents are there and I have more family. A decision somewhat risky. On the other hand, I must have my own place to live. I have a particular taste and am attracted to unconventional, different but at the same time beautiful and artistic. So, anyone that live in Florida or visited Florida know that all the homes look relatively the same and beauty in the side of attention for detail is lacking. In my search, I found a home unlike any other around the area. Hidden gem that was within my budget. I had found a unique place in the middle of sameness.
My heart was out of control. I could not believe the blessing. I placed all my ducks in a row and placed a bid for the house. A few days into negotiations and just about when I was going to give the seller his request, the seller decided to take the home out of the market. An unconventional choice and very unexpected specially when he was getting very close to his price. That happened yesterday and I was baffled be the sellers course of action. My first reaction was anger. I lost my unique place to live that was within my reach. On the other hand, I chose not to let anger take the better of me, so I replaced anger with amusement. This was an unexpected move on his part and I chose to keep my cool. I am proud for that. Also, I decided this was not going to deterred me from my plans. Staying stagnant is not an option. I moved forward with my plans because my reality is that I must find a place to live.
I made me a healing cup of ambrosia aka coffee and sat by my computer. I started my search for a home last night. The requirements for my search was to be unique and within my budget. My list of other home requirements stay the same, number of room, size of the home and so on. However, after an hour of looking I found nothing within my budget. Depression started to creep in, which for me is not uncommon. Then as a reflex, I started to look for a home in the common and same category. I did this for about half and hour. When I noticed, my reaction was and initial moment of anger targeted to myself and anxiety starting to boiling. This is a supper bad combination. I stopped what is was doing and I went straight to my favorite prayer corner and just meditated on what had just happened. My prayers are not a repetitive chant of word but a monolog of a conversation with my bible as a way to find my L-rd’s will. I did not have to meditate and pray for to long for I remember a passage in provers that say something in the way that if I give my doings to G-d, my ideas will be okay. I am paraphrasing so do not judge me. Then I got up still feeling a little anxious and I closed the web search. Last night I decided not settle for the back-up option. If I am going to search for uniqueness, I will search and have faith on the L-rd. I will place my doings on the L-rd. I am going to follow that which takes me away from depression. In my case it is prayer, nature, art and the search for that which has the detail that attracts my interest.
For now, I am not going to purchase a home. However, I am going to keep looking. I am not vain, and I take pride in being fiscally responsible. I must stay in budget. On the other hand, I know eventually I will find something I can live with. The home I own now is common looking all onto itself. However, it has the perfect yard. The sun shines in the right place at the right time. It has trees that are located where I want them. The home has no details. On the other hand, the details are on the beauty surrounding the home. Uniqueness and beauty can be found in the structure or the nature around it but until I find a place that if the structure is not unique, the nature around it is, then I will keep my cool. If I settle for the back-up option it will become a habit. Uniqueness is not only in the big things but they can be in many little things that when placed together they will create a magestic beauty that maybe only I could see. My search for uniqueness, creating something that is different and making lasting contributions will not be tossed to the side. I like this goal and I intent to keep it as my day to day thing to do.