Pain is not your identity : Let it go
Emotional pain is something everyone experience. Child, teenager or adult, we can’t deny having been hurt one time.
But this pain, how are dealing with it?
Do you prefer to stay in your corner ruminating constantly about past events with impacts that can not be changed? Or just let go and get into a happy and active life?
Whenever we face an emotional pain, the first thing we do, instinctively, of course, is to blame others. We are waiting for an apology from them before we feel better about ourselves.
But often this can increase our pain and anger if those we accuse do not confess their faults or say, “And if I do, where is the problem?”.
Your feelings and emotions are important. It is also very necessary to feel them fully and then let go. Waiting for it to disappear relying on excuses from others will only make you more stressed.
1 — Decide to let go.
Things won’t go away on their own. Time repairs things only if we consciously make the choice to go forward, become a new person and to stop chewing on our negative thoughts.
To decide to let go is to agree to set foot in unknown territory. But any good soldier with the essential information can do a lot of things on unknown field.
2- Express your pain, feel your emotions completely.
There are several ways to do it. Whether in front of the person, in the presence of a friend or a diary, expressing your pain will let you know what hurts you and where it hurts. You will know what to feel.
For example, most people who have experienced heartbreak and who constantly rehearse their pain feel more sadness. But anger can be hiding behind as well: because of seeing ego lowered.
3- Stop blaming others.
When we get hurt, we want to be listened attentively, especially by those who hurt us. We want them to apologize enough for what they did. We love play the victim : You, versus the whole world.
But what you do not know is that they does not care about you. (It’s a bit hard, but it’s the truth.)
Your emotions are important, your feelings too. But there are also limits not to cross.
You are responsible for your happiness and not making it depend on the people who hurt you will make you feel good. Why let these people have power over you?
4- Live the present moment.
If we live in the past, we are depressed. If we live in the future we are anxious.
The best thing to do is ask yourself this question : What do I want to do now to be happy?
Have a coffee, watch a movie or go out for a walk to admire a landscape and the most beautiful things in this world, make plan for a trip.
I know, you know that think constantly about pain, make imaginary scenarios in mind that will never happen, feel a kind of hope and return sadly to reality is some of the most shocking things you can live every day.
Forget the “if I had done”.
There will be no more. This is bad news. However, the good news for you is that you can say, “It happened, if it happened, it was mean to happen.” and now focus on “What can I do to avoid this kind of situation in the future and feel better?”
5 — Forgive. Forgive others and yourself.
Forgiving others is very important. This is not a sign of weakness, but simply that you are ready to move forward.
But forgiveness must also be turned towards you.
2 years a go, I met a friend like I never met in my life. We were so passionate about art, programming and geek stuffs : I really met a twin, a brother. And the universe weren’t ready for us because we were volcanoes of ideas.
Sadly, our friendship didn’t last because of some mistakes that cost us a lot. I felt very bad, I was insulting myself everyday because I didn’t say “No!” before we started mistaking.
Remember : He asked you if we must do it. You were very aware about the consequences but you say yes. And you continue saying yes when both of you were falling miserably. You were not a good friend.
I was blaming myself to have not be a good friend and I felt depressed for few months.
Often we are angry at ourselves for not being able to avoid this situation. We are angry because we didn’t act perfectly.
You must understand that we are humans, and no human is perfect. We all make mistakes, to others or ourselves. That’s why I think forgiveness exists.
To forgive is not necessarily to agree with what the other has done us wrong. It’s just forgetting and let it go.
Letting go is a very difficult thing. I know. Especially if we get used to these kinds of situations without reacting in the best way, we feel comfortable in it.
But should we let the pain become our identity? To let negatives feelings control our life? Destroy our intelligence, our creativity, our ability to concentrate and our ability to love ?
No, I don’t think so.
“Life is for living”.
Be happy requires courage. Going forward will surely impact yourself and those around (not the way they want) you but they have to deal with it.
So let it go. Today is a new day.
Try something different and bring peace and joy into your life.
