How Do You Find Yourself?
You know the age-old question that is often asked at interviews “Can you tell me about yourself?” and then we’ll stutter and trip over our words.
It's ironic because shouldn't knowing ourselves be the easiest thing? But if it were, we wouldn't be scouring online for hours on how to answer such questions, or even going as far as taking a course because we can't truly describe ourselves, outside of work experience.
"He didn't belong to you...You keep talking as if he belonged to you, just because you were his mother, but he didn't. He didn't belong to anybody but himself."
This existential thought, explored in “The Death of Vivek Oji,” resonates with the question of identity. Though Vivek grappled with a different kind of identity crisis, it highlights a universal truth—the depressing feeling of being a tourist in your own life, observing but never belonging.
Crafting Your Identity
When it comes to your identity, some chapters may be pre-written. You might have inherited your dad’s goofy smile, or your mom’s introverted nature. But that's just the opening act, the rest is yours to create.
The biggest truth I uncovered about self-identity is that there's no mystical hidden “you” waiting to be discovered. You create who you want to be! But how do you start?
1. Seek Feedback
Take the time to ask loved ones what they honestly think of you and take note of the common traits.
2. Introspect and Self-reflect
Curiosity drives self-identification. Gain an understanding of who you are. Explore your hobbies, passions, and interests. These create clues for you to realize aspects of your identity that bring you joy and fulfillment.
3. Learn From Relationships
Study your past relationships. Why did it end? What did you endure or what could you have done better? What did the experience teach you about your likes, dislikes, and boundaries?
4. Stay fluid
Your identity is not set in stone. It evolves as you grow, learn, and experience new things. So go ahead to mold, squash, and start over again, taking action towards that goal.
The Company You Keep
One crucial lesson I learned, the one that had me in denial for the longest time is: “You are who you surround yourself with.”
If you’ll indulge me, I'd like to share a humbling experience.
I've always hated gossip. It had me baffled how you couldn't just walk up to that person you had a problem with and sort it out rather than tarnish their name to your group.
But when my circle changed due to relocation, it wasn’t until I was confronted by an old friend that I realized I had messed up. Slowly but surely, I had become the very thing I hated.
I remember how she hit me with those words, “Why didn't you just tell me you didn't like that? This isn't who you are”. I couldn't admit that her statement forced me to rethink my decisions, retrace my steps, and eventually cut off toxic infleunces.
So what am I saying? You're surrounded by naysayers and pessimists, ditch them.
You're surrounded by people who don’t miss a chance to belittle you and call it “constructive criticism”, please ditch them.
Find your tribe—the people who support you and bring out the best version of yourself.
The Journey of Self-Identity
Finally, consider keeping a journal. It’s a powerful tool for self-discovery. Revisiting entries can be a revelation of how far you’ve come, or a reminder to keep evolving”.
Conclusion
Embrace the process and become who you want to be, so the next time someone “Who are you?” you’ll have an answer that reflects the person you’ve chosen to be.
PS: Wanna see how depressing life can be when feel you don’t know who you are & where you belong? Read “The Death Of Vivek Oji” today (just make sure you have a box of tissues nearby).
If you liked that post, please give it fifty claps (ok, a few tens would do a’ight). Shoot me a follow for more posts like this (I’d be honored) 💛
