I am not an expert.

No, I really mean it.

I logged onto Medium during lunch and spent the last two hours reading inspiring quotes, captions and thoughts from some of this site’s most loved readers.

I’m not sure about anyone else but after the high of inspiration there always comes a crash — a feeling of inadequacy that sinks in my stomach like an overindulged lunchtime buffet at 2pm (clearly, I’m no expert at making analogies, either).

I started my internship at Pepper today.

I guess the point of an intern is an exercise in eliminating one’s innate i-am-not-an-expert-dom and I can assure you, the very description of the job I’m interning for says pretty loudly that I am not an expert… damn. Since I came here there’s been a beautiful vibe and the people I’ve met genuinely made me smile throughout the day. I really do feel warmly welcomed.

But still, I’m nervous. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of failing those who took a chance in hiring me, and I’m afraid I let my department down. I’m afraid I let my parents down, my employer (and co-founder at Eduweb) and my husband, all who seem far more confident than I am that what I’ve been thrust into is completely manageable. For some reason they believe, unlike me, that I can step in from virtually nowhere and fill the shoes of a highly competent, capable employee who knows the answers to everything.

I can’t.

But I can do one thing and that’s to give this job my absolute best. It’s only my first day and there’s some downtime now, but I’m certain the pace will exponentially pick up within the week. Does that rattle my nerves? Absolutely. Does it make me so jumpy I can scare myself with an unexpected fart? Definitely. However, it won’t stop me from trying. Actually, that’s precisely why being afraid is a good thing. The reason I must try is simple: I am not an expert.

To be an expert at something suggests that there’s a finite amount of knowledge to be obtained, most of which already is owned.

How can you remain an expert at something which constantly changes in definition and existence?

If you say you’re an expert at tech, or advertising, or at any of these shape-shifting arts, I won’t tell you you’re not, but I’ll have trouble believing you’ve been for long, and I’ll have even more trouble believing you’ll stay that way if you’re not constantly changing, yourself.

That, therefore, is hope for me.

And I hope, in some way, it’s encouraging to you.

I’m not an expert at writing on Medium, either, in fact this is my first post, but like my job, the only way I can get better at this is to do! What do you think of my first step? Please express by a comment or a recommendation, I’ll appreciate it so much! :)