Welcome to the Pro Bono Psychiatric Hotline
If you are compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid delusional, we need to know who you are, so please stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you have a sexual dysfunction, please press 1–866, and Brigitte will answer.
Nota bene: originally published 25 years ago by unknown author.