So I’m Writing a Book
Most of you that follow me on Twitter know that I’m in the process of writing a book. Many have asked what it’s about. Tonight I wrote the prologue to the book and I’m posting it here to give you a taste so you can figure out whether or not to be excited about it..
Mike Tanner: The Probably True Story of a Man
This book is my life story. Well, most of it. In my mind, these are the very best stories I have to offer. Most are funny, some are uncomfortable and all of them are absolutely true.
According to my wife, I am the worst exaggerator in the history time ever in the history of the world. That being said, everything that you read in this book is more or less the truth. I say more or less not because I have purposefully made anything up but mostly because, as you’ll see as you make your way through the book, I’ve taken a lot of shots to the head, I don’t sleep much and I’ve lived what I think is a relatively interesting life. Some stories, as I’ve shared them with friends and family, are apparently slightly different than I recall but to hell with them. This is my book. If they’d like to suggest that I didn’t smear A535 on some uncomfortable body parts or that they didn’t murder my pet and attempt to feed it to me or that I didn’t pretend to be of a different sexual orientation in order to be a good employee, let them write their own book. This one’s mine.
This is my second attempt at writing a book and my first attempt at non-fiction. I’ve changed the names of my friends and family members because none of them would ever agree to knowing or being related to me otherwise. I’ve made this account because my friends say I’ve got some good stories. When I was talking to my wife about this project, she suggested that these stories might only be funny to those that know me, or that can hear me tell these stories using my actual voice. Inflection and tone are an important piece of written work so when it seems like my book has odd pacing here and there, I’m either trying to mimic my storytelling style or I’m just a really terrible writer. I’ll let you decide.
Finally, and to be serious for a moment, I really hope I don’t offend anyone. I’m the only child of a lesbian single parent, my family are hicks who recently “upgraded” in their choice of racial slurs, I try my best to take care of two wonderfully terrifying kids full time and I honestly don’t know how I’m doing at that one. I don’t take these stories lightly, although I hope that you do. I don’t invent characters or situations because I think they’ll be funny, I’ve simply found the humour in the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been and the things I’ve seen. They say that laughter is the best medicine and I do my best to live by that creed. My wife thinks I’m not serious enough and most of my friends miss the guy that used to drink until he went blind. I think the best of me is located somewhere in the middle of it all and my hope is that through this book, you’ll find that man.