Ramblings about nothing and everything me

so today I decided not to go to class, sorry parents and I was watching a Ted talk after waking up not early and a couple of episodes of arrow as well as the daily thinking that I should get my shit together and it might help if I took a shower and organised my slice of earth, that as of now I am renting

I feel like I should give you a back story of my life but that would make this far too long and you don’t really need that information, it’s actually running away from what I want to say, but I’m good at running so I might never say this, so let me just hit the nail on the head

I was watching Tim Ferris his April 2017 Ted talk God knows where . so the talk title is about fear and I have paused it at minute four coz I just watch many many many of these kinds of videos and books and never do anything with the information, it never really changes my life…

there I go on rambling again, so where was I, my friend dislikes it when I do this when am telling him a story, am not very good at linear thinking I guess, it’s what I tell myself to sleep better,

wow just look at that passage and I haven’t said what even began this train of thought

*deep breath* it’s depressing when in a span of less than a minute I have written ten of my greatest fears right now, like ten, it’s depressing because I have or once tried to write positive things like Tony Robbins tells you to do, and I have failed successfully numerous times, why? I can’t really say at this time, deep work, that word has come to me, I need that.

so ,where was I, *scrolling* yes it’s depressing that I have so many fears, I would share them with you , but I don’t have James altucher’s confidence, so I’ll keep them to myself, I’m fucked up, but yes I have more fears than most people and most of them are founded, I rarely work on my fears, I mostly just think about working on them, and I’m lazy so I think about how long it will take and get lazier, I’m not good with effort and things that require it, motivation comes and goes, happiness the same, I mostly draw it from other people like a succumbus , themain reason people think am funny mostly,

I have gotten into the habit of laughing at myself to make people feel better, probably because I am or once was big in the eyes of other people, there was a time in my life that I was successful at what was deemed important in society,and all of my peers looked upon me in awe, and asked me how I did it, and I would speak shit like believe in yourself and have confidence, where, these days I seem to need someone to tell me that on every single day so that I can wake up in the morning, perhaps why am addicted to self help material.

It has occurred to me that I have forgotten the whole point of this adventure into ripping my guts open for the internet, but, I must stop putting myself down, I am capable of more than I am being right now, I am the fucking universe for Christ’s sake, I wish you well in your day, don’t be me, be better

if you’ve read till here am sorry for wasting your precious time, you could’ve scrolled through Instagram and felt better , I will stop now and publish before my self doubt gets in the way.

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