Lucid Dreams as Virtual Reality
What I am about to describe below constitutes the first “lucid” dream I’ve ever had in the sense that it went beyond purely remembering it and instead I was “awake” enough to make decisions as to what would happen next. That’s why it was so interesting: the dream was autocompleting itself! This is why it felt real: I was not in complete control.
I go to bed and almost immediately I fall asleep, and I think to myself “wait, this is really early for me to start remembering my dream. Am I having a lucid dream?!!”. Yes, indeed I was. I was afraid trying to do anything too complicated would wake me up, so instead of trying to compose crazy cellular automata or visualizing complex game theory problems, I decided to just go for something easy: sex.
It all started with a party at someone’s house. It looked like it was in LA because of the people in involved. I notice Adrianne Palicki doing coke on the table.
We start dancing provocatively like in that scene from American Hustle
Then she takes me to the bathroom and we have sex really intensively, essentially like the movie. Unfortunately, it’s pretty fast :( She leaves, I put my pants back on and get out of the bathroom as well. That’s when I meet Naya Rivera.
I tell her I am a fan of her work. We get into a weird argument though (no idea why lol) so she storms away. That’s when her husband, the rapper, comes up and is like “she was just playing with you: she actually wants to have a threeway with you”. I mean, despite how turned off I am by the idea of him being there, I’m like “when else am I gonna get a chance to have sex with Naya Rivera?!!”. They take me upstairs. The deal is that I am not allowed to interact with her vagina, because that’s just for the two of them. Sounds fair enough. They have sex from behind, while she performs fellatio on me. Except the dude goes wild! He goes so hard and so fast that he finishes waaay to soon. I’m done yet, but she stops and turns around so he can go down on her, to which I go “wtf, what about me?!”. He starts threatening me and pushes me away. In my head I go “damn, even in my dreams this kind of bull shit happens”…
Just as I am about to leave after picking up my clothes, she comes up to me and gives me her phone number saying we should see each other again. At this point I have blue balls: it’s very annoying. I go to another bathroom to put my clothes back on, and that’s when Bellamy Young shows up.
She is sort of drunk, but not too crazy drunk. She starts blowing me for a bit but I’m uncomfortable because she is intoxicated. You know how I roll: even in my dreams I seek consent ;) So I leave, and that’s when Lehna Dunham shows up…
She sees my boner and goes “I can take care of that”. I don’t find her attractive at all, but at this point the blue balls are too much! So we go to another bathroom. She starts moaning super loudly, smashing her hands against the mirror. It’s gross though because I can feel her flaccid butt cheeks against my groin. I have to leave, despite her protests.
I walk around for a bit, trying to walk off my erection. That’s when I notice a girl checking me out from the couches. It’s Kendall: Kendall Jenner!
She signals me to come over, and we start talking. She introduces me to her friends. Eventually we start kissing gently. Before you know it, I find myself in a Limo with her and her friends: they are taking me to another party. they ask me what my next project will be: i say it’s a Von Neumann probes programmed with cellular automata to gain emerging complexity without needing strong AI. The plan is to use them to terraform Mars by making them mine metals and release oxygen in the process at an exponential rate, in order to build up an atmosphere (this is when I realize this dream is taking place in the future because this plan is not supposed to happen until 2 decades from now). They all start laughing. We arrive at this other party.
We start dancing. Kendall takes me to the couches. We make out for a bit. She puts her legs on top of mine, and just as a I place my hand on her thigh, she slaps it and says “this is all you get for tonight. I don’t fuck on the first date” and she proceeds to leave. You’d think in my own fucking dream I get to do whatever I want, but no, my mind just has to fuck with me lol
Anyway, I walk around for a bit, admiring the Basquiat paintings.
I got out to the pool. I lay on one of the deckchairs. I turn to my left and it’s Lilly Collins!
I tell her I’m a fan of her work. She gets on top of me, and we start making out a little. Just when she takes her top off, we have the first surreal moment of the night: it cuts to me and this girl (I won’t say her name bc she is a non-celebrity) in a hotel room. It’s after a wedding. She is in the exact same position as Lilly Collins, which weirds me out. She says “what’s wrong? I thought you wanted this too!”. That’s when I come up with an idea! I say “how about we try something else?” and she says “some stuff out of California?” and winks. I blindfold her with a sock. “it’s going to heighten your senses” I say. I strip her completely naked. I can tell from the way her body is shivering that she is excited. I run my fingers gently from her feet all the way through her cheeks, passing by her thighs and breasts. Then I turn her over and I tie her hands with my tie. I raise her from her sides and kiss her back. I say “are you ready?” and she emphatically says “yes!”. That’s when I leave her there! On the bed lol I literally just go out and leave there ahaha
Anyways, that’s when I go out and see this other girl (whose name I won’t mention because she is also a non-celebrity) in the hallway. I ask her what she is doing and she tells me that she is picking up ice. I approach her saying that I’m going to get some too. While we wait for the ice to fill up, I ask her what her plans are for the night. She says she is watching Mean Girls. I lie and pretend to have never seen it.
And…….just as I hoped, she goes “omg you HAVE to watch it”, and invites me to come over to her room. We start watching the movie on her bed. and at some point she turns to me and says “is THIS (pointing to my erection) due to me or Rachel McAdams”
So I say “what if it’s a little bit of both ;)” and I gently caress her hair. She jumps on me and we starting having sex. We end up in missionary and finally I am able to finish! She hops into the shower, so I leave. I go to the downstairs lobby. That’s when I see Teal Redmann sitting at a bar, wearing a white dress (very hitchcockian lol).
She is drinking alone. I get a drink too. She looks at me so I move over and we start talking. She gives me sexy eyes, and then grabs my hand and takes me to the elevator. We start kissing passionately while waiting to arrive at her floor. When we are outside her room she whispers in my ear “let’s see if my girlfriend is going to join us” and she does ;) It’s Shelley Cole.
We start having a threeway, but they end up making out so intensively that they sort of exclude me. I try to get back into the action but logistically it’s just not working. I walk out and leave and Teal apologizes but I assure her it’s not a problem.
And just right then and there, I wake up!
It was as if I would think about something, and my mind would generate a situation in which it would happen. But it would also create crazy situations to catch me off guard. It passed the Nolan test: it was so good that it didn’t matter that it wasn’t real! I knew it wasn’t real from the get go. I was lucid. I chose to have this journey. It was realistic: no floating objects, no psychedelic imagery, no lines of random computer code floating around people. The logic made sense except for the surreal transition between Lilly James and the other girl.