This is very illuminating, thank you. I blog about personal change and would be very interested to hear more from you in future posts on the differences between behavioral and developmental change. Its an interesting question of when we make either kind of change in a relationship. If its remembering to throw out the garbage at a partner’s request, this doesn’t need to move beyond the behavioral. But itlf its a deeply hurtful behavior that points to a significant gap in values, do you agree that the partner causing the hurt may need to actively change their paradigms to sustain the relationship? Or does it require a change from both sides?