“Sexuality is one of the simplest paths to pleasure.”

The #sexpositive series from Ooh by Je Joue

Ooh chats to the wonderful (and sex positive) Adnane Kabaj, co-manager of the brilliant Belgium erotic boutique Lovely Sins.

What does sex positive mean to you?

Sex Positive is rather an attitude than a concept. It is an open behaviour that promotes sexuality as a pillar in human well-being excluding any feeling of stigma, shame or guilt.

Why do you think that sex positive is an important idea?

We do live in a hypersexual society where negative sexuality is rather the trend: sexual objectification blossoms through the media, BDSM practices are waved as banners of provocation and gender equality is trampled very often. We do need to promote a more positive sexuality to counteract these negative ideas for the sake of all. Sexuality is one of the simplest paths to Pleasure and as equally important as food, water or air!

What changes would you like to see in the dialogue around sex?

For many reasons, sex has been relegated to a shameful topic that never arises in conversations or communication. While sex isn’t a matter of shame or guilt … We should realise that sexuality is intricate to the concept of intimacy. It is a privileged topic that you might need to share with privileged friends, partners, etc.

From your experiences as a Sex Educator, what are the most common questions you’ve been asked?

As a manager of an erotic boutique, I am often confronted to misjudgements or stereotypes regarding sex toys and some of the most common statements are: “I don’t need sex toys”, “My partner would think I want to replace him/her”, “I am not frustrated or in need to buy sex toys”… These statements are rooted in a widespread idea: sex toys are replacements to something or somebody, while the positive idea — in this context- is that they actually are great tools or additions to heighten pleasure and deepen people’s knowledge about their bodies and tastes.

What part can sex toys play within the sex positive movement?

Sex toys can lead to a better understanding of human sexuality and could play a positive role when it comes to changing people’s mentalities; as they bring immediate satisfaction. To do so, manufacturers should also embody sex positive values and adapt them to their products. Also, an objective and personalised counselling is key to choosing the right toy.

Why do you think that some people still find toys embarrassing?

People could feel embarrassed for the same reasons that they might feel ashamed about masturbation. On one hand, unconscious inhibitions or cultural beliefs may influence our behaviour. On the other hand, negative reactions from our immediate entourage could lead to a bigger embarrassment. Besides, there is a “fear” around sex toys because some think they might provide bigger satisfaction than a partner could.

What’s the most important factor for choosing a sex toy?

The most important factor for choosing a sex toy is quality! A higher quality ensures high safety standards. You might make a mistake by choosing a sex toy that doesn’t meet your expectations, but -believe me- you don’t want to choose one that might actually hurt you or threaten your health. My advice: seek professional counselling!

How can people overcome their embarrassment around sex and sex toys?

There is just one simple yet empowering statement to make: your body, your pleasure, your rules of the game! Do not let anybody stand between you and the simplest, purest and easiest expression of Pleasure. Pleasure shouldn’t bear any limits except consent!

What are your five tips for a great sex life?

1. Communicate a lot with your partner what about you like and most importantly what you don’t like.

2. Cherish your intimacy and give it time and concrete opportunities.

3. Discover your body, explore and indulge into deep pleasure experiences.

4. Respect your partner’s “secret garden” and preserve yours.

5. Share your sex positive attitude!

What would you like in your stocking this Christmas?

A better world may sound cliché but it is really what I aspire to!

For more #sexpositive words of wisdom, visit oohjejoue.com