**** AGITATION****

4 min readDec 31, 2019

AGITATION

AGITATION

December 30th, 2019

We already know that agitation means, “a state of anxiety or nervous excitement. Anxiety, Perturbation, Disquiet, Distress, Concern, Trouble, Alarm, Worry, Upset, Nervous, Excitement, Discontentment. The Opposite of these emotions are Calmness and Relaxation. To be agitated means
the action of briskly stirring or disturbing something, especially a liquid. This was how last week(December 8th to 15th, 2019) was for me. I was furious. I suffered in my mind. I kept trying to REFUTE negative thoughts and repetitive destructive self talk. "Omenesa, you are such a fool. How could you let this happen? Why did you make this choice? Look what has become of you. You are going around in circles. You are a very stupid woman. You are a failure. You will never pass this hurdle. You are wasting your time. It will not end well."

My body was shaking, and I was shivering. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't even eat. I was just in a very ANGRY place. Those who got the brunt were a few members of my inner circle. I have seven people in my circle. My best friend got the brunt of my agitation. My legal advisor got even more of the brunt, and my business advisor and partner witnessed me bounce like a ball but caught me every time I dropped. I was screaming. Lashing out. Crying. Shaking. Trembling. Regretting. Forgetting. Not sleeping. I had severe insomnia on Saturday night. I stayed up till 5am on Sunday morning and I just called my dad, and I YELLED for almost an hour. My dad kept saying, "It's okay baby. It's okay" You will be fine. I called my best friend CRYING like a baby. This is what I do when I am frustrated. My legal advisor is a voice of reasoning and comes with a list of advice. Bulleted points of advice. My Mentor just heard me talk for over 20 minutes, and then said, " I'm glad you've been able to let it out. I am always here". Then hung up. My psychiatrist forced me to ACCEPT where I am and showed me how to navigate through the rest of my life not having everything I want. She said, " You can do it all. But you can't have it all". My business partner did not hesitate to show me the ROOT of my agitation, which was not what I thought I was angry about. The ROOT of my anger only magnified every other thing I was facing. As I brewed on my anger all week, I realized so many foolish mistakes, I have made lately. I was able to REFLECT on how things have been, and how things MUST BECOME in order for me never to get to this frenzy again. Agitation is a good thing as it vexes your spirit and FORCES you to THINK. It is up to you to put actions into your thought process. That was what I gained last week. I realized the importance of having an inner circle. These people GET YOU. They understand your outbursts and one of them in the group can literally wipe your tears. One of them can shake you to reality. The other can sing you to sleep, while the other can suggest a movie for you to watch(Which is what my Emotional Coach did). She also made it a duty to LIKE every post on my FB last week and commented. She is too BUSY for such a gesture, but this was her way of support.

My business partner said ONE WORD to me at past 5am on sunday and by 5:30, I was able to sleep. What a blessing. You see with all this, It didn't matter if I went to my psychologist or my Pastor. What mattered was that I was AWARE of what was causing my agitation. I eventually saw the ROOT of my agitation. It was not a person or a place or a thing. It was a principle that I had overlooked. Because I overlooked it I became DISSATISFIED. I felt NAKED and at the mercy of people, places, and things. Next time you find yourself in a place of ANGER, be honest to discover where the anger is coming from and make sure you have sound people around you, who wouldn't judge you and who wouldn't make you feel stupid for being vulnerable. Most of all, do know that whatever you are going through is temporary. Speak out loudly, and REFUTE the negative statements you hear in your head. Remember, the problem is not IT. The problem is not her. The problem is not him. The problem is not them. The problem is the problem. Figure out the ROOT of the problem. God Bless You #omenesa

Benefits of My Anger
***********************

1. Migrated to two extra podcasts hubs.

2. Started my poster posts.

3. Replanned my 2020. It is so different from what I'd initially planned.

4. Made drastic changes to my health management.

5. New Ideas

6. I feel lighter. So much lighter.

7. I lost weight physically.

8. I reconnected with MYSELF.

9. I realized how wounded I really am. I thought I had progressed more but this episode revealed more healing needs to be done.

10. I prioritized