The 10 worst dishes for a refined bar.

A refined bar is a place for drinking culture. And while there are a lot of different type of bars, like pubs, gastro-pubs, American bars, dive bars, supper clubs, ultra lounges (and apparently a lot of hybrids), I would like to focus here on the refined American bars.
There are several criteria which make snacks to bar food — unfortunately these points are often forgotten by the greatest chefs, which are attempting to spread their talent to the more accessible bar room. These points are:

Simplicity to eat
People dress up to go to good bars. Maybe they are going pre- or after dinner to the bar. Or after a concert. Fact is, that messy dishes are definitely no way to go. Nobody would like to have cheese on their dress and hot sauce on their tie. No messy dishes!

Size of the dish
Bar tables are small — comparable very small to dining tables. Basically even generous looking tables are filling up pretty fast, when the guest get their drinks, a bowl of nuts, maybe an ashtray (where smoking is still allowed) and don’t forget the mobiles of the guests, which are usually placed on the table — often with a valid reason: who doesn’t like to wait for their dinner company in the bar. But that means, that usual dinnerware just doesn’t have space. And you’d destroy the atmosphere if you are just messing with side tables etc. You should use the smallest chinaware possible!

Shareable dishes
I know — people start to freak out, when I say: dishes to share. Yes — in the dining room it is somewhat a burden for some people. You might not want to share. But in a bar it is different. See the previous point! There just might not be enough space on the table to even have two or more separate dishes on the table. So sharing is caring: Offer shareable dishes!

Finger Food
I thought about building it into the previous point or even in the first point — but then assessed it important enough to be mentioned. Bar food doesn’t need always to be finger food. But it is definitely a big advantage. There is no space for cutlery — and fallen down cutlery is one of the usual annoyances, when you eat in a bar. And as you are not necessary sitting straight and in front of the table, it might be actually quite difficult to eat with fork and knife! Hence: Finger food for the win!

Accessibility
This is for the ambitious chefs, which are complicating bar food. No — I don’t really want to complain, if great and complex dishes are served in a bar. However e.g. a trilogy of oysters is neither shareable, often it isn’t simple to eat. Given, that these elaborate dishes are often served on much bigger plates (just to give it an even more impressive look) is a recipe for disaster. Make the food accessible and shareable.

The bar is no cultural kitchen sink!
People tend to believe, that people in a bar would like to eat everything. Far too often pizza, sushi and Tex-Mex food is served along with Americana [and other Pan Asian dishes]. Not very inspiring! We try to elevate the bar… hence select one specific cuisine [or style] and just go for it and make it good! Don’t offer everything!

Was this so difficult? Yes, I do believe, that many people are just too scared of “making a call”. But that is why I am here… and just say it out loud:

And here we are; the top 10 worst “bar” dishes:

10. Onion rings
Well to be honest, there is not so much wrong with onion rings. Except maybe it is absolutely unimaginative and you just look slightly dumb to eat those rings, when you are on a date. As unimaginative are also mozzarella sticks [get extra minus points for being “ethic” and alike. Again — not the worst dish — but you have to start somewhere…

9. Scotch eggs
Yeah — this is more an English staple. And it might work in a pub. But in a proper bar, it just doesn’t seem to fit. The usual scotch eggs are just too big, to eat with grace [without cutlery]. Though tiny scotch eggs made with quail eggs, might be definitely better!

8. The Club Sandwich
You haven’t paid attention to my explanation above, did you? What did we agreed on, about messy food, about food, which isn’t finger food? Right!
The club sandwich is one of those sandwiches, which are impossible to eat without a mess (and/or without cutlery). Besides of this, it doesn’t really work with any booze, cocktail or whatsoever.9) Sushi (inclusive sashimi and other sushi bar staples)
You should eat sushi in a sushi bar!!! Even Japanese imbibing in Izakayas (while they have great food) and not in sushi bars! Besides of the stereotype (and the obvious lack of imagination of the chef/operator), everything sushi have the bad habit to smell fishy — and trust me, that you don’t want to smell fish in a bar!

7. Chili fries or poutine
This shouldn’t come as a big surprise. While French fries are incredible unimaginative (there are definitely much more creative alternatives)— they still are simple to eat, good to share and pretty unmessy. Throw in chili or gravy and you just negate the small points into a big “no”.

6. Tacos
While standing and on the street, tacos are working quite well as finger food. Especially if you can wash your fingers afterwards (or have a wet wipe handy) in the bar it isn’t that great. Let’s face it — as soon as a taco is easy to eat, it is also dry and uninteresting. There might be some exceptions, but overall tacos are no great bar food (and think about the ethnicity rule…).

5. Hot dogs
C’mon, this shouldn’t be a big shocker. Hot dogs just defy several of the above mentioned points. And let’s face it — everything is more refined than a hot dog!
Exceptions would be mini corn dogs (which are great on a stick) or pigs in a blanket (which though may be further refined).

4. Open face sandwiches and sliders
This might be for some people a surprise. Open face sandwiches are obvious- you can’t really eat them with your fingers — they are not shareable, they are messy… you name it. But sliders? Well — either way a slider is dry or it is messy. But more importantly it is most of the time the epidome of an unoriginal dish.

3. Nachos
Yes, nachos topped with guacamole, sour cream, pico de gallo and eventually some tender meat (be it carnitas, chili con carne or what ever) can be delishes. And it is shareable. Too bad, that you have pretty much no chance to leave the bar, without ruining your garderobe! Your fingers are also messy — and lets not talk about big minus points in style. Ok — nachos might have their place in a Tex-Mex bar — but I haven’t yet encountered one concept you could call refined!
“Un”honorable mentions goes to quesadillas, burritos, fried potato skins and let us not forget the Irish nachos… which pretty much are having the same fundamental issues.

2. Buffalo wings
Oh yes — I said it… big shocker! Chicken wings are (pretty much in all varieties) very unimaginable. However buffalo wings are pretty much the messiest food you could imagine. Your fingers are doused in buttery hot sauce and your face looks like the reincarnation of the Joker in the Dark Knight! If a snack is most popular and just doesn’t deserve it, it is the Buffalo wing. Chefs: use the wings — but serve it without bones, without mess and just be smart!

1) Burger
Is there something which is more mundane in a bar than a burger? I don’t know! But it is also messy, not shareable, the dish is too big and it is just not sophisticated at all. And then there are those “chefs” who say, that a real burger has to be made with “American cheese” — Thanks but no than. People sorry — but this is definitely a dish, which should be reimagined and until it is totally put upside down, should be banned out of any great bar. People will revolt… but hell — we are here to do the right thing.

All of above is not written in stone. I am sure, that there will be some potato skins, which are so smartly done, that they work perfectly in the bar. And maybe there is a mini slider, which is battered and deep fried, which is the perfect morsel of a (bar) snack. But if you are imagine those dishes, in any form they are usually presented, those snacks have a solid reason to be on this list.