write it out + give it time
Lately, my mind has been ready to go, but my body’s been like nah.
I have all these ideas on what I want to accomplish, but I just can’t seem to get up and get active enough to help these things manifest.
Is it a timing thing? — Could it be lacking motivation because of timing?
I’ve thought that way most of my life + what I’ve learned from that so far is regardless of how bumpy or smooth the process, you have to keep working towards your goals.
This time around, instead of accepting what simply is, I work through this dry spell and make it happen anyways.
Another destructive pattern I can identify with is allowing myself to get down enough to stop caring about everything else — like if you let your house get messy, you stop eating healthy, staying up late more often and not getting enough sleep, drinking more, etc . — everything else in your life will begin to suffer as well.
For me, that was never a helpful pattern.
If you’re like me and you struggle with things like bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD or anxiety, being mindful about your moods and the common stressors in your adult life is of utmost importance. It’s important to keep things as balanced as possible at all times. At least for most of the time is the goal.
The past few years (2014–2016) have been extremely difficult for me.
In a nutshell:
- I lost both parents, grandparent, grandchild, and uncle — among others.
- I lost my job (which drastically changed our lifestyle + put a heavy burden on my husband)
- Lost my car due to a car accident (see below)
- My mobility was limited due to a car accident where the other driver was texting while driving and his truck slammed into the back of the car resulting in my neck, back, left knee + ankle all being permanently damaged thus limiting my yoga practice, ability to sit long hours at a desk as my job required + causing daily pain.
- My husband was in a similar car accident a year after mine and is now disabled due to permanent back injury and is also in constant pain (not to mention he was already severely asthmatic).
Perhaps I’m just dragged down from all this shit?
I’m pretty sure I am — I mean, who wouldn’t be?
I am just tired of the pity party now and I’m ready to move.
I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my drive.
I think I get it now.
I started eating better (because let’s face it, I went ham the past few months as well — so I guess it’s all connected) — I’m back on my vegetarian track. We’re also working out again — as much as we can and it’s basically just walking but, hey.
I’m also inching my way back into yoga. It’s a lot harder for me now because I’m so limited, but it’s a great form of therapy and keeps my back from locking up on me as often.
I guess all I can do for myself in this situation is write it out + give it time.
Writing things out is my way of ‘self therapy’.
When you let your thoughts, desires, worries or concerns flow out onto paper or on screen…
There’s something about seeing the words that helps me make sense of it all.
Figuring my my shit out and publishing it so others can read it and hopefully figure their shit out is the goal I guess.
Me helping me, to help you.
You get it.
I know I have some writings I did while I was in the midst of all the stuff I mentioned above.
I’ll publish it eventually.
In the meantime,
be easy guys + remember:
If you can’t figure it out, write it out.
Originally published at ellejonesdotcom.wordpress.com on April 13, 2016.