Feeling anguished

I was home alone for a few days with my stepson. I enjoy when I can made my own schedueles and decisions about my feelings and doings. Ofcourse I missed my husband and was really looking for the evening when he came home. But all it was was a disillusionment. Why?

The fact that other peoples feelings has an enormous effect on me is a thing I have to start finding ways to cope with. My husband was quite tired and distant when he came home and all I felt was frustration. I had been working out myself also that evening and felt tired. But I did my best to make my husband feel he was waited and wanted. When the feedback I got was distand and cold, I got angry and there we go to the same circle again..

Why do I let other peoples feelings go over mine?

As long as I remember I have been doing things as other people wish and my feelings has always been easy to change. If someone is remote, I feel remote. If someone is happy, I am easy to turn into a happy mood. The thing I have to work on is to have the feeling I have despite what the other persons reactions, saying or doing is.

I actually just feel a bit depressed when this happens. I have been trying to change myself for long to just ignore the other persons feelings but I just can’t. The fact is I feel abandoned, alone, sad, angry and depressed when the other person is not paying attention to me or is in his own thoughts and is very distant. This time I got a love letter from him earlier in the morning and was really waiting for that kind of response when he came home. But the fact that he had turned into a totally different mood frightened me and I locked myself out of the whole situation.

What can I do to change me?

Small steps forwards. Notice that this is happening. Thinking about what I really feel. If I just felt happy and balanced a moment ago, is this the feeling I still want to feel or do I want to start feeling sad and insecure? The fact is that this has been a huge problem for me in this relationship and I am tired of the whole thing that my feelings go from point A to point B in a second. So what could I do?

1. Notice what is happening
2. Decide what I want to feel
3. Go away from the situation, leave the house and do what I want to do at that moment. Let the other person be remote and just ignore it. When he is finished with his own problems, the feeling is always better.
4. Think about my own response. By locking myself out of the situation does not help the other person. Could I be more stronger and just stay there and give time to the other person?

I am sort of out of solutions here I think. And that is what is frustrating me. The fact that this is a problem and the fact that however I will change, the other person will always have an effect on how I feel. I am a feeling person and human who just want to feel safe in my life and relationship.