Oh wow, it’s really brave of you to share that Alexainie.
In my case I’ve always loved to be nice to people because I genuinely wanted to be nice, with a dash of of wanting the favour to be returned- which unfortunately hasn’t always been the case. The challenge is now to keep being nice because I want to be, as opposed to expecting the same in return.
Self-obsession (which I’ve actually written about, and hope to get published soon) for me is very closely linked to my OCD and social anxieties. The best way I describe it is the unfortunate paradox of always thinking about yourself but not in a lofty way, rather in the way of always trying to ‘measure up.’ Sad because so much time still gets wasted on this unhelpful venture. Which further fuels the obsession.
It is soooo weird that you’re bringing this up literally days after I’ve submitted my piece on social anxiety. These are feelings I’m working through, and hoping to learn from others too.
With regards to false modesty, I need to get the damn balance right! I really REALLY do not want to be arrogant. It is a very ugly thing to witness and one I try hard not to emulate. But at the same time most times I’m at the other end- still so darn awkward at accepting those compliments. I feel I’m getting just slightly better at attaining the balance.
I’ve been so open and honest about so many things I’ve been going through. It is very very scary to be this vulnerable, but I believe in bringing the hidden ugly out into the light so I can be healed. And if it’s TMI I’ll deal with it later on :D