Orlando Enrique Fiol
Nov 1 · 3 min read

Let me first say that I am not approaching this issue from a fatphobic perspective. The last time I was rail thin was when I was in the third grade. I’ve been fat all my adult life, and, like most of my fat fellows, I’ve tried every diet, cognitive behavioral and spiritual approach that promised relief. Thanks to my blindness, I may not have seen people’s stares, but I’ve most certainly heard their defamatory comments and armchair weight loss advice.

Let me also say that I have always admired your posts for their unflinching honesty and beautiful eloquence. I was hoping that one of my responses might begin a real friendship, since you’re one of the coolest Medium writers I’ve read. It would be hypocritical of me, as a fat blind man, to judge you on your appearance. Were we together in real life and I witnessed even a whiff of degradation to your person, I’d be the first one leaping to your defense and saying something along the lines of, “Look, fool, yeah, she’s fat. I was much fatter too. Whatever the causes of her obesity, I’m sure she’s doing all she can to address her condition. So back off!”

Lastly, if you think I’m prescribing how fat folks should live, how much they should weigh or how they should approach their health, you’re dead wrong. I didn’t like anyone meddling in my fat affairs until I was ready to make changes. I don’t think bariatric surgery is a panacea for every cause of obesity, nor do I think everyone should have that surgery. My references to my own surgery were merely illustrative of the idea that, although I desperately wanted to be loved and accepted despite my fat, that didn’t mean I was going to defend a proverbial sinking ship.

I am all to o aware that obesity is unlike any other addiction in that we all gotta eat to survive, whereas alcoholics, heroin addicts, meth heads, coke fiends and sex addicts don’t need any part of those behaviors in order to survive. Since food is so integral to the human experienced, often standing in for family, idyllic memories, comfort, safety and a bunch of other great things, it’s damn hard to go from eating like an obese person to eating like my worst nightmare, a calorie-counting health nut who makes every meal a life and death struggle to do the right thing. Most times, one meal is just one meal. Anyone specializing in eating disorders knows that the cycle of binging, purging and abstinence is usually at the heart of the problem.

I’ve been the guy who mysteriously wouldn’t get invited out with a group of friends, the guy who wouldn’t get called back after dozens of seemingly promising first dates. Being fat, I’ve always been attracted to fat women, many of whom have reciprocated that attraction. FAr from misogyny, I’ve always sent out the clear message that my role in other people’s lives is to love rather than condemn them. I “see” way beyond fatness because that’s how I want to be seen. I hate it when obesity becomes people’s sole identity, and I abhor it when people insist that treating our obesity should be our utmost 24/7 priority. If we were more accepted and less judged, we could actually get out there and live among others without feeling under attack every second. Believe me, Rachel, I get it and get it reall good.

Ideally, we would start over, lessons learned and with extra kindness. Perhaps you might email me privately at: ofiol@verizon.net. Hopefully, you’ll finally understand that I am in no way, shape or form on the side of fat phobia or fat shaming under any circumstances. To be even more clear, I wouldn’t admire you any less if you became a size 36 or were bedbound. It would just be hard to ask you out; I’d have to condense all our activities to wherever you were stationed. But I would never yield even a smidgeon of my admiration for you to fat-related negativity. I hope you can believe that.

    Orlando Enrique Fiol

    Written by

    Totally blind, Hispanic-Italian, , happily engaged, Christian pianist/keyboardist, hand percussionist, doctor of music theory. Email: ofiol@verizon.net