An Oral History of the Greenberg Family Seder
The Preparation
Shelly Greenberg-Klein, eldest daughter and host: What most people don’t realize is that preparation for Passover begins months before the holiday. It’s like preparing a full Thanksgiving dinner in April — twice. Without the leaven, of course. You need to track down a turkey or two as early as Purim.
Harvey Meyer, butcher at Park East Kosher: Shelly calls me earlier and earlier every year to reserve a bird. She called me in January and I told her that the Passover turkeys hadn’t even been born yet.
Marsha Idan, Shelly’s sister: I booked the flights to New York to bring my family in from Israel for Passover as a 90th birthday gift for my father.
Shelly Greenberg-Klein: This year Marsha came in with her family as some sort of “birthday present” for dad. His birthday was in August. I got him a Rolex.
Jonah Klein, Shelly’s son: We all knew that this Passover was going to be different because the Israeli cousins were coming to town. They always wear socks with sandals and complain about having to do two Seders instead of just one.
Marsha Idan: It’s the punishment for still living in the diaspora.
Saul Greenberg, Shelly and Marsha’s father: I wanted all of my grandchildren in one room so I could see who was the smartest. I thought of the ultimate Afikomen hiding place this year and was excited to watch them compete.
The First Seder
Hezi Idan, Marsha’s husband: I grew up on a kibbutz, so the fancy dinner party still feels weird to me. I packed my nicest pair of jeans.
Alan Klein, Shelly’s husband: When the Israelis showed up wearing jeans, I knew we were in for an interesting night.
Ya’ara Idan, Marsha’s daughter: Pardon me for not flying in with a ballgown. It didn’t fit in my suitcase.
Jonah Klein: I wore dress pants and a dress shirt, but no jacket. We’re not stuck-up or anything.
Ayelet Idan, Marsha’s daughter: My mom made me cover my tattoos with a — em, how do you say — cardigan? Where I come from we don’t have different names for sweaters.
Ya’ara Idan: We all thought that Ayelet’s bonsai tree tattoo would be the biggest reveal of the night, but then Shira walked in with her non-Jewish boyfriend.
Shira Klein, Shelly’s daughter: Brian and I had only been going out for a few weeks, but I wanted to see how he’d handle it. Jewish Baptism by fire.
Shelly Greenberg-Klein: Shira was always looking for new ways to rebel. She dyed her beautiful brown hair black, and has a nose ring. Not a side one, a middle one. Like a bull.
Shira Klein: I have a septum piercing, yes.
Shelly Greenberg-Klein: I expected someone more interesting, but Brian was rather pleasant. A nice guy.
Jonah Klein: That dude’s boring as shit. She’s only interested in him because he’s from Maine, and no Jew has ever been to Maine.
Brian Keene: My name’s Brian Keene. I’m from Falmouth, which is a suburb of Portland, Maine. I’m an accountant at Deloitte.
Shira Klein: I saw him on Tinder and knew right away that I wanted to be the Barbra Streisand to his Robert Redford.
Brian Keene: I don’t know what that means, but I did see Barbra Streisand in Meet the Fockers.
Ya’ara Idan: My family arrived late because my dad insisted on walking.
Hezi Idan: It’s New York! Everybody walks everywhere!
Ya’ara Idan: We were staying at his friend’s brother’s boss’s apartment in Brooklyn Heights. Auntie Shelly and Uncle Alan live on the Upper East Side.
Saul Greenberg: We had to get started with the Seder right away if we wanted to finish by midnight. I called everyone to the table and told the kids they were allowed to drink the wine, which was exciting for them.
Jonah Klein: Yes, I “tried wine” for the “first time.”
Ayelet Idan: I told Saba it was my first time drinking alcohol, but I went to Burning Man in the Negev last year. I told my parents I was doing an archaeology field trip to Beit She’an.
Brian Keene: There were a lot of blessings at the beginning, and everyone’s Hebrew was very good. It was incredibly impressive.
Jonah Klein: I told Brian that the Israelis were from Cleveland and that’s just how Midwesterners talk.
Ya’ara Idan: I started The Four Questions because I’m the youngest, but then I told Saba it’s only fair that each of the four grandchildren gets a solo.
Shira Klein: When we got to The Four Sons, Saba assigned The Wise Son to Jonah — obviously. He’s a bit of a misogynist like that.
Jonah Klein: I know I’m the favorite. It would be insulting to everyone’s intelligence to pretend otherwise.
Ayelet Idan: As far as family things go, Seders aren’t so bad. Because there’s a script to follow, it delays awkward small talk for at least two hours.
Brian Keene: Some of the songs were incredibly catchy. Everyone was clapping and singing the “Dayenu” one. It was like when a pub plays “Sweet Caroline.”
Shelly Greenberg-Klein: I gave everyone a probiotic to take with the wine before the matzah.
Alan Klein: “The Bread of Affliction”? More like “The Bread of Constipation”!
Ya’ara Idan: The Americans are obsessed with their stomachs. It’s always, “my gastro-ecologist this” and “my GP that.”
Hezi Idan: I was going to give them harissa from the shuk but I think it would kill them.
Marsha Idan: I love my sister, but she is terrified of spices. I had to add a spoonful of salt to the matzah ball soup. Not a teaspoonful. A spoonful.
Brian Keene: When we got to the meal part, nobody knew what to talk about, so I asked the family from Ohio what they wanted to see in New York.
Ayelet Idan: We discussed how to get tickets to Hamilton, or the Michael Jackson musical, and then Saba said he’d buy tickets for whoever finds the Afikomen.
Jonah Klein: We all ran to the living room to search. I checked behind picture frames because Saba is a sentimentalist.
Ya’ara Idan: It wasn’t in the dog’s crate or in the box with the chessboard.
Shira Klein: And then it happened.
Jonah Klein: Brian found it. Fucking Brian.
Saul Greenberg: I hid the Afikomen in the slot of the VCR machine in the living room.
Brian Keene: Beginner’s luck, I suppose.
Shira Klein: And then all the adults were like, “Brian’s so clever!” and he charmed them all with stories of geocaching and scavenger hunts he created for his friends.
Marsha Idan: Brian was delightful. He was respectful of our traditions and way more friendly than Shira.
The Aftermath
Shira Klein: I broke up with Brian.
