Nancy Pelosi Does Not Think That Now Is The Appropriate Time To Proceed With Your Biopsy

Orli Matlow
May 24 · 2 min read

“The House Democratic caucus is not on a path to impeachment. That’s where [Trump] wants us to be.” -Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, 5/23/19

Listen, I know that scans have shown you to have a brain tumor, and that having your tumor removed is the ultimate goal. However, you should be cautious and smart when planning your course of action. An abnormal growth of cells may be putting pressure on your brain, but you need to think about it from a broader perspective.

The inescapable clump wants to be biopsied so it can be declared to be benign. It’s threatening the functionality of every single one of your muscles and internal organs, begging to be removed — and if you go down that path, then you’re letting it win. Just because you don’t recognize yourself or your personality anymore doesn’t mean you still can’t get a lot done.

Sure, doctors say that cancerous or not, the mere presence of a tumor in your brain is quite dangerous. But, getting a biopsy is an intense step, and I’m not sure we’re there yet. The seizures and headaches may be a pain, but if you can still walk, then why bother experimenting with treatments? You can accomplish a lot without short-term memory or peripheral vision. By the time you find out whether or not you have cancer, the disease probably will have spread to other organs anyway. It’s just not worth it.

A biopsy could be painful, and if the pathologist finds that the tumor isn’t malignant, it would be absolutely humiliating. Imagine wasting all this time, suffering from immense pain and being admitted to the hospital, only to find out that the life-threatening tumor isn’t even cancer?

It’s more sensible to wait until your illness is undeniable before pursuing any procedures. Diagnosing the tumor is a huge undertaking. Having surgery means having to focus on your health. If you eventually need a craniotomy, it will prevent you from focusing on other issues like infrastructure. We should be focusing on infrastructure.

In any event, I pray for you, and I pray for the United States of America.

Orli Matlow

Written by

Comedian, writer, and comedy writer.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade