So hhhhmmm, didn’t really write to much my last blog but I am unsure where to start and my goal is to assist, aid maybe save another mom or wife from the horrible mistakes that I have made in my life. I feel this will be extremely therapeutic for me to share my life’s experiences, my ups and downs, my highs and my lows. So lets just start from the very beginning, I am the oldest of 4 siblings, I have 2 brothers and 1 sister (whom I do not speak to and I will never speak to again..I’ll get in to that later), we were poor but should not have been since my step father earned good money and my mom always got the best jobs. But for some reason we could never seem to stay in the same area for more then 1 1/2, ??? from what I can remember my parents drank a lot my mom more then my step dad, in fact I would even go as far as to say my mother was a functional alcoholic. See when she drank it was not just 1 beer, 1 7&7 or 1 glass of wine it was the whole 12 pack, the whole bottle of Seagrams 7 or the entire bottle of wine. (please remember I am in no way blogging for any type of pity SO DON’T feel sorry for me PERIOD) So when she drank it was either GOOD or BAD (really bad), she was the type of alcoholic that would wake up the next day after a totally drunken stupor evening and forget everything from the night before, I guess you would call it a black out drunk. Those I know now are the worst type of situations to be in, on a bad night she would kick our asses say some really horrible shit make us cry and the next morning be the wonderful mother we loved so much and hug and kiss us like nothing ever happened the night before. This is how I was raised and when your raised like this it becomes acceptable behavior going forward. So that was how my mom was, so lets go back to my siblings, my brother that is next oldest was a sissy, no literally, my first fight was with a boy because my brother was to scared to fight so my mom made me fight the boy and after that boy kicked my ass (because I did give it my best effort but got my ass kicked)my mom put my brother in a dress, YES in a dress and he had to go outside and play like that (absolutely tragic). He was always so damn sensitive, cried at fucking everything, we would all shake our heads at him and think dude really shut the fuck up. So move on to my sister, I do not even know where to start with her I just know at a young age that she was promiscuous and I have an idea why not to sure (but I will come back to that as well). From as far back as I can remember I never got along with her, she was a beauty back in the day but for some reason always so very jealous of me and I know it wasn’t because I was prettier than her (at least I know that now that I am older) it was because of my bright, happy personality. I have always been very outgoing and happy and in my hey day I knew I was beautiful but for my sister beautiful and awesome personality was not something she could tolerate. She thought she was pregnant at the age of 12 so yeah she was having sex at a very young age. (think I know why but not sure I’ll come back to that) The one thing that I did appreciate my sister doing was weeding out the assholes that I would date. See through out my upbringing my mother was very open about sex and always told me the story about the birds and the bees, of course she would not always say it so politely but she drilled in my head that boys just want to use your pussy and then your never going to hear from them again Bobbie so do not have sex and then she added when you have sex it hurts so bad your going to wish you had not had sex. So for those reasons I thought bullshit if a guy is going to use me for sex and there is no way I was going to have sex just to experience pain FUCK that. That’s where my sister comes in, see I never slept with any guys in high school and when they would hit on my sister and she gave it up and came to brag to me about it, well DUH I fucking dumped the asshole. For that sister thank you, saved me the trouble of wasting my valuable time. So yeah I don’t care for her and to this day I do not care to speak to her or play her god awful games. Last but not least, my super hero, no wait our super hero, our protector, our light our savior our clown, our love, our anchor my little brother. Gosh that kid was a handsome devil (notice I used the word was, I’ll tell you about that later) He was so damn strong and funny we could not have asked for a better baby brother to be brought into this world. He was the total goof ball of the family and I remember always kicking his little ass. So when we got punished when we were younger it was lining up with just our underclothes on and we got the belt when we misbehaved or did not do what we were told. Myself and my other brother and sister were crying before we even saw the belt but not my little brother he was ready every fucking time. He would tell us why you guys cry this shit don’t even hurt. So sure enough we are all balling and when they got to my baby brother my mom would get so damn angry because he never cried after getting the belt nope NO WAY he would look at my mom and say “What? you pau yet?” This would infuriate her to the point where my step dad needed to stop her from hitting him. He was definitely the strongest of all of us, so that’s my immediate family and a little about us, NO wait, my step father, so I was 4 months old when he met my mom and I do not remember anything really about him other then he worked hard, never called out sick, always called me a spic, beaner or wetback, YES he sure fucking did. Yes it was ugly being me and growing up as the step child. My mother and step father got into knock down drag out fights over his verbal abuse, oh but wait it gets worse, I was not his biological daughter which I suppose in his mind made it okay to molest me every fucking chance he got, pretty sick huh, but I am sure this is not news to others, I am positive someone out there has experienced this same type of abuse. So there you have a little bit about each of my immediate family members. Stay tuned for more………….