A Thin Line Between Being Violated and Sociopathy.
Life can be really complicated, but sometimes we create mazes that should have been avoided in the first place, simply because we not only make bad decisions, we choose to wallow in self pity or even seek affirmation from people who are willing to nestle beside us, all in the name of being “supportive”.
It’s bad enough that we experience harsh policies from the government, that you’re probably barraged by a nagging boss, a business that fails to flourish, estranged parents who seem not to know what part of the world you currently reside in, friends who are really competitors than escalators but a bad relationship where you’re constantly abused, yet find your way back into, seems like the frisbee sport; a game where points are scored by passing the disc to a teammate in the opposing end zone, than a puzzle.
I often wonder why we, the younger generation, seem more traditional than our parents. A guy simply dating a lady,already refers to her as his wife without proposing or willing to take responsibility to commit, a lady moves in with a mere boyfriend, a single mother on a voyage to retaining a father figure in her son’s life hides him away from the said boyfriend, a fiancee who knows that her fiance is possessive believes he’ll change as if she were hoping for her husband to change, than calling the relationship quits, a girlfriend who endures constant battering yet evolves into a combatant. These are the narratives that revolves around relationships that makes me wonder if we are a generation of relational illiterates, in a world constantly insatiate with information.
And so it happened that *Bisi, who was put in the family’s way as a young adult, never seemed to get past the labyrinth of bad relationships or learn from her mistake. She had written a blog post on a popular platform about how she ditched an abusive lover and how anyone could do the same. It attracted a flood of comments, everyone seemed to agree on her take. *Kola, my friend, also commented on this post and asked me to read this piece of article that unleashed raw emotions. You need to give a legal perspective on this issue. Someone out there may need it, he looked cynically.
But you know how Nigerians are, a little spice of churchiness draws attention, never mind that *Bisi complained of being abused to the point her cloths were torn in public by this aggressive boyfriend who was uncomfortable with her responding to a text message, never mind that he was also answering to his calls in her presence. She then takes this boo (don’t mind this spelling), who physically abused her, to the police station and threatens to write a statement. He begs, then an old woman soon joins in and insists that a man’s jealousy can drive him crazy. Next time, she advised, don’t use your phone in his presence.
Although the story gets twisted, I wondered, why she didn’t go to the police station with the fellow that rescued her from the cruel hands of her oppressor, the said boo; why a nosy old woman seems not to mind her business at the police station, which is usually stiff with tension! These are church folks, so you must tread carefully, I chided myself.
But it becomes messier, when she heeds the words of this old woman and refrains from the intention to write a statement (never mind that no policeman commented on this action, especially with her disfigured appearance). She walks into her home that evening without her son querying what happened to his mum, takes a bath, locks herself in the room, takes pictures and sends them to her sister (who never advised her to call “project alert” or contact any similar organization let alone a blogger). She sleeps the messy situation off and never talks about it. This leaves me puzzled: at least how did her son react to this scenario, I quizzed at *Kola. Haba read on he says, you jump into conclusions easily, he retorted, at least finish the story.
After some weeks, *Bisi recuperates, and responds to a call from this abusive boo, wears her cloths and accepts his invitation to come to his office.
What?! I read that portion out, *Kola stares back. Doesn’t she have a job or a small business, even if she doesn’t, her son is enough motivation to help her focus on being a whole woman, especially when he has no father figure in his life. * Bisi made no mention of parents, except her sisters, friends and cousins in this article (who didn’t give her a worthy advise the first time). I’m not reading again joor, what sort of a senseless story is this. So I scribbled a comment; “May God Heal You From The Baggage of A Bad Relationship and Help You Overcome Your Personal Insecurities”, This is definitely a “real life story”.
Kola reads it and laughs, you got the drift innit? I too I’m surprised by the monotonous comments of about six hundred plus commentators, who claim to be christians. Didn’t the Holy Spirit reveal these inconsistencies or did they fail to read it! He snapped.
Then *Kola continues to read the story out loud, since he noticed I’m pissed. The incredulity of the story was entertaining but more interestingly she responds, furious *Bisi responds, her tirade, gave me insights as to how she could even degenerate so low as to fighting with this abusive boo and involving her son and cousins.
And so the abused, becomes abusive!
I only wonder why a mere relationship, which the law does not recognise leaves women entrapped. Is the sex so sweet, that women lose their senses such that they cannot rationalise their state, better yet, envision a better life to seek after, or are we relational illiterates or did someone out of boredom come up with a story to amuse us on a Saturday morning. Was it a teaser used by a pastor to get his congregation to speak up and tell their story about abusive relationships.
Whatever the case maybe, you have a choice to choose who you want to be in a relationship with or who you decide to get married to. If it’s bad, it’s bad, if it’s good, you’ll definitely recognise it. I understand that in married relationships, women endure because they lack economic power and their husband simply preys on this inadequacy, perhaps because they both have children but a mere relationship? I’m baffled, if it’s a fake story! I’m mystified at social disorders that leave women in the hands of oppressors! I’m mystified by predatory relationship, especially, when the victim talks about falling ill, and how she wailed herself to sleep each time she was battered, only to evolve into a strict fighter. Someone needs taekwondo lessons.
*Bisi *Kola not their real names