As i post this i become more and more grateful that I wrote it, It was scary to write, and I wanted to just smoke my feelings away but no, I deserve all these feelings :) they are mine to have and i deserve them :)
(please note my capitalization of ‘i’ v.s. “I’ is intentional.
the pieces of a student once failed, traumatized, thought to be not enough and still i rise.
I rose from the mud as a rose once did to only allow my pedals to again fall
to fall to the same dirt that i was molded from so only to feed it again
so that a new could rise
and from my past their future is to be born
Growing up in Santa Monica and attending Santa Monica High School (samo), we were brainwashed with many stigmas about Santa Monica College (SMC). Students were taught that SMC is where the poor kids who couldn’t get into a UC attended. Classism , Racism, Colorist Santa Monica was very good at keeping the brown kids south side and everybody else North. Weird thing was, I grew up North. So I had this idea that I didn’t belong South Side, that I would never sink to the level of SMC, and that I was genuinely better than those kids on that side.. quote, quote, quote.
Well, my freshman year at UC Davis went as expected and within the first 7 months I was told to leave due to academic ineligibility. I still have an open invitation to continue my education there as long as I make up all the units I failed, ( and who knows maybe I will finish in Davis, its a bit gloomy tbh).
Anyway, soon after taking my leave, I found my self swimming deeply in the seas of love with a human who I will always respect. Thank you for everything you taught me.
Together, we trapsed through the windy labyrinthine streets of San Francisco. We held hands hidden amongst red woods, painted our feelings as we inhaled billows from beaker bottom cylinders, laughed amongst the eucalyptus in the sunshine and discovered our hearts beneath blankets safe from stormy San Fran. A beautiful story indeed.
and to top it all off, i was asked to leave.
i was asked to leave because my reason for living there, though you the reader may have thought it was for a journey devoted to love, was school.
I was enrolled at The Art Institute of San Francisco for Audio production and was actually excelling in my courses.
Short story short, I didn’t have a key one day and entered my apt. through my window.
Soon after, i received a call from security about breaking an entry on my own property, and within two weeks was dismissed from the campus due my presence being a threat to the other residence.
Finding my self empty and confused I followed breadcrumbs east to Plainfield Massachusetts. Earth Dance, a contact improv Co-Op influenced greatly by a spirit father Gopi Krisha, became my new home and allowed me to expand my mind to love and the benefits of servitude through work. My heart was healed and I moved to Los Angeles,
almost four years of SMC, yes FOUR YEARS!!! for a two year Associates Degree, hahah
I can only tell you, and hope you realize the gravity, of how many times I told my self to not rush the process. See, when you are finally starting your AA and your friends are Graduating with BA’s it has the potential to be extremely daunting. You know, at first it didn’t bother me that much, because well, my life is my life and so I will progress at whatever pace I choose.
None the less, as the years progressed, more and more of my friends, including people who were two and three years younger than me began to graduate with the Bachelors.
This scared me.
I began to think of myself as some sort of failure or underachiever or something.
Somehow though, the community around me continued to pick me up, through homeless times my friends gave me places to stay, my parents bought me food and paid for my rent, and queens sheltered me with emotional labor and food. I was completely dependent on my community for EVERYTHING.
Idk, i guess as I proceeded through school I began to realize I wanted to be more of service but couldn’t completely figure out how to and so I took time on and off wondering what my purpose was.
Still reminding my self that my pace was my pace and mine alone, I continuously battled with thoughts of self doubt and inadequacy revolving around the time frame of my scholastic completion.
I am ever grateful for the opportunities to travel to Turkey, France, Spain, Ireland, South Africa, Mexico, Canada, Italy, and Switzerland. I say this off hand, because a large part of my sanity and positive self dialogue was rooted in these adventures. Often, when checking in with peers of my age, they showed great admiration for my journeys of the world and spoke about how they so deeply wished they had the time to join me on such outings. I informed them, that they would have plenty of time to dip their toes in the worlds waters. My transparency about my fears regarding my completion of school “ in time” aided their perspectives in embodying the age old adage of grass always being greener. I never really new it, but I was inspiring people I had no idea were following my movements. I found my self comforted by their curiosity and my tangible experiences. There was a world that I was living that no one else was and that people wanted to be a part of and that kept me going. I just kept telling my self, ‘don’t worry osiris, you were homeschooled till 3rd grade, you are truly truly, a late bloomer,” and between that dialogue and a support system of artists and lovers, I was able to make it through.
But not with out some roadblocks.
SMC attempted to suspend me twice from their campus. Once for interfering with the arrest of Person of Color on campus where the arresting officers were somewhat physically abusive. I later came to find out that the student was intoxicated but none the less police brutality is police brutality. For the second episode of Suspend Osiris, Osiris called a dean a liar to her face because she is a liar lol. So check the story yo, basically, Ubiquitous Love Tribe was performing on campus and Prince Vimana Cursed and the Dean came for my head.
Whatever, much thanks and priceless appreciation always to Jon Kent, Benny Blades, Matthew Rich, and Deniz for coming to my side in that situation. We won the case just as Warm Brew released their classic, Can Ya Blame Me and lead singer Ray Wright said “I strut like an attorney when the case is won”, and out of the building we strutted, yes we did.
During my time at SMC, I started a club, received a multitude of scholarships including a Global Citizen Scholarship, participated in community outreach, you know all the shit that looks good on resumes.
I am a multi medium Global Citizenship Research Symposium winner (both Poetry & Photography), a Scholar Athlete ( running track for the SMC team and maintaining a 3.0), and a community leader.
I am graduating from SMC with an AA in Humanities and am excited as FUCK!!!!!! lol
I’m #OSIRIS, I’m from #theS . if you know me you know I rep Santa Monica.
Part of my want to rep my hometown is because its my hometown. I love Santa Monica, but its also deeper than me. I was the only Black Child in a 5 block radius when I grew up in Santa Monica. I was followed around grocery stores with or without my white mother. I was detained for driving my mothers car that they police swore was stollen. I was denied jobs because my hair was “ too wild” , and I still rep #theS
See, Santa Monica wants to stay white, 71% caucasian to be specific
See, Santa Monica wants to keep the Brown people South Side,
But what Santa Monica failed to note is that This Mixed Kid grew up North SIDE
North SIDE AF and I rep Montana Till I die.
What Santa Monica failed to Note is that I moved South Side intentionally,
because I realized something, I didn’t really know Santa Monica
I didn’t know Manny B and the Pico Reps was about Brown Pride and Familia
I didn’t know Santa Monica the , Saint from Algeria was a Berber woman,
They didn’t know that Berbers were Black and Liberian, that my Father is a Berber and that “Monnica” is the only Berber name commonly still used in English,
They didn’t know that my father may be from Algeria, and that Saint Monica was the saint of battered wifes’ (like my strong and invincible lioness of a mother) and husbands that committed adultery (like my amazing and loving and infinitely human father) ,
little white Santa Monica, didn’t teach the black kids that from the City that had a section for Black beach goers
called “The Ink Well “ until 1964
they didn’t realize that out came me,
with a choice to be blinded by anger stemming from fear,
Or to change.
Happy Graduation to all of you, because every step i take allows me to serve you more. so thank you and congratulations :)
(little bit of ego here) HAHAHAHAHAHH #OSIRISIOSIRISOSIRISOSIROSIROSIRISOSIROS