My search for the truth about UFOs: Part 4- "The Wyoming Aftermath."
Jeremy D. McGowan
This is Part 4 of a multi-part continuing story of how I ended up searching for the truth about UFOs. Each Part details a significant event, which brings me to the present day at the culmination of the final part. I hope you enjoy this trip. Due to a combination of memory loss from PTSD and old age, specific minor details may not be entirely accurate; however, the overall story depicts actual events. (Subsequent parts will be published in the forthcoming weeks.)
Disclaimer: A couple of things here -First, what I am writing is my experience, opinion, and interpretation of events. I am not claiming anyone is part of Scientology or perpetrating a PsyOp — only that I interpret the events around me in a way, I would expect if it was. Also, I'm a TECHNICAL writer — not a novel writer, story-teller, or any entertainment writer. If your chief complaint is that my articles are rambling, well — you're right — they are. This is, so far, the longest of the pieces — a lot happened, and I tend to write as I think. I don't have a professional editor. I would also like to note that I have not sold my story, brokered any deal, or received any money for these articles. I am writing these for two fundamental reasons: 1) I need to get this off my chest, and 2) I would feel responsible for others, should they also suffer from apparent manipulations as I did — if I didn't inform people of my experiences. At the end of these articles, I can have a clear conscience knowing the information is out there for others to read and incorporate into their informed decision-making processes.
“In 2014, former Deputy Counsel of the CIA, John Rizzo, wrote, ‘The CIA has long had a special relationship with the entertainment industry, devoting considerable attention to fostering relationships with Hollywood movers and shakers — studio executives, producers, directors, big-name actors.”― Matthew Alford, National Security Cinema: The Shocking New Evidence of Government Control in Hollywood
Let's pick up where I left off in Part 3, with me thinking I was leaving the project…but then I didn't.
Why? Why? Why would materials from Rendlesham be in a private family’s hands in Ohio? Why would this have not been analyzed before? Why wait for a TV show to highlight the materials, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD — WHY ENTRUST A 23-YEAR-OLD VEHICLE WITH A GEICO LIABILITY-ONLY INSURANCE POLICY TO TRANSPORT WHAT COULD POTENTIALLY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD ACROSS THE ENTIRETY OF THE UNITED STATES? Something like that should have had an armored car convoy with US Marshalls transporting the samples to Los Alamos…not me in a 1999 Land Rover and a radiator hose held together with duct tape. This was dumb. This was disingenuous. This was fakery. This was sensationalism. This was NOT in keeping with my original goal of documenting my search for data — this had been coopted into the “Lue Show,” and I wasn’t going to have a damn thing more to do with it.
Or so I thought.
The drive back to Las Vegas from Wyoming was interesting. Hitting that wash had sheared off the bolt holding the top of my right front shock absorber in its turret. As my wife and I drove, the vehicle started to make some "interesting" noises on small bumps, and the suspension began to feel wobbly. I pulled into a small gas station in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming, and managed to convince them to allow me to rummage around their maintenance supplies. Eventually, I found a bolt and a nut that seemed like they would fit. The problem now was how was I going to compress the shock enough to get it lined up with the bolt hole? My wife weighs less than my pit bull, but I had her climb onto the front of the truck and stand on the bumper while jumping up and down. Each bounce allowed me to compress the shock more until I finally slid the bolt into place. Finally, we were back on the road and heading to Las Vegas. The last day in Wyoming had been a bit hectic. I lost two radios, two WWII-style jerrycans of fuel, and a camera. Nevertheless, the trip was enlightening, with the time spent and the reflection of events becoming formative to my overall thoughts and approach to the idea of disclosure in general.
While I was still processing the circumstances, the red flags, and my concerns, wrestling with the idea of pulling out of the project, it wouldn't be until a few more weeks before I genuinely withdrew from the project.
One thing that kept replaying in my head was a conversation I listened to in Lue's kitchen where I, Sean, Lue, and a few others were discussing our project and making statements as to how "this was what TTSA was supposed to have accomplished." Ironically, this conversation would come full circle in a later conversation with studio executives from HBOMax. That comparison inevitably leads to someone asking Lue, "What happened to TTSA?" Lue's response was rather shocking. (Now, please remember that I am paraphrasing in this next directly-following section, and the quote isn't exact — but the gist is. ) Lue told us that TTSA collapsed because Tom DeLong's sister was mismanaging the organization and that Tom had taken the investor money and used it to make a movie. Interestingly enough, after saying that it would likely be that "Tom would go to jail," that topic was dropped. The conversation then concentrated on how Lue never received messages through Tom's sister and how he missed many opportunities to speak and be interviewed. I found it a bit odd how the concern was about scheduling and not the accusations of embezzlement and SEC violations — but the nature of our talks was like this — where seemingly important topics were only briefly touched on in favor of deeper dives into meaningless areas. Nothing further regarding Tom was ever said — but I got the distinct impression that Tom was acting like a loose cannon. The topic was never brought up again. However, I would (and do) reflect on this often and wonder, if this was true, how the SEC hasn't taken action, why Tom was able to make his movie, and how the current iteration of TTSA is still soliciting funds from investors. It didn't line up. But then again, not much ever had. So take this event with a grain of salt. It may have happened as he stated, or it may have been deflection. I don't know either way.
Before I explain all the nuances, issues, and processes I went through and witnessed for the pitching of the finished teaser trailer from the Wyoming trip, I want to expand on one aspect I mentioned back in Part 3; the alleged remote viewing of my life in the future. Since that came out, I've fielded a few "Twitter Spaces" conversations and had the opportunity to clarify what I never fully expressed in the text. However, those Twitter Spaces get lost, and I want you to fully grasp the depth of personal damage Lue did to me with his alleged remote viewing of me in the future.
If you remember, I stated that I was suffering from depression and low self-worth and found myself mentally vulnerable during that time. Combining those issues with the understanding that I was, am, and remain -open- to the idea that remote viewing, conscience connections, and all the "woo" COULD be possible, the event stuck with me. Sure, I come off as a skeptic and non-believer in the woo — but this is only since I've never seen any reputable scientific data with a statistical significance pointing to the "woo" being real — but I do remain open to accepting should that evidence and data ever be presented. Perhaps one of the reasons I am such a stickler for data is because I WANT to KNOW that what I believe is possible is also probable. So, in that mental state, combined with my desire to believe and my willingness to accept and paring that with my skeptical take on things as they currently sit (and then sat) the event, Lue's words and the whole process stuck with me in a way that, to this day, really pisses me off.
The idea that MAYBE, just MAYBE remote viewing is actual, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, it's possible to remote view the future, and MAYBE, MAYBE Lue is a skilled practitioner of Remote Viewing — then MAYBE, just MAYBE, what he said is true. It's the non-zero percent chance that what he said is true that stuck with me and continues to eat at a part of my rational brain. It causes me, to this day, a significant amount of angst and concern. See, there was a part of that event that I didn't write; I was still considering something for relevancy and potential inclusion in this article, and honestly wondering if I should share such a deeply personal event. In the end, I've decided to elaborate because I feel you need to know…you need to know what to watch out for. You need information from ALL available perspectives to make the most accurate, informed decision possible.
Lue Elizondo gave me a precise date (and no, I am not going to say when that date is — so don’t ask) of when something was to occur to me that I would have a very difficult time getting over. I mentioned it in passing, but I didn't explain how hard this hit me, and it still hits me. If remote viewing of the future is possible, and if Lue has that ability, what right did he have to push this on me? I never asked to be told about my future; I never asked what was to happen to me. Had anyone asked, "Hey, would you like to know your future?" I would have said, "NO!" Especially when an adverse negative event. I don't want to spend years counting down the days, walking on eggshells, imagining what it could be… a car crash, the death of a loved one, a house fire, a debilitating disease, an assault… But that is EXACTLY what I'm going through — and he didn't have the right to say that to me.
He. Had. No. Right.
He is now, with assumed intent, living rent-free in my head. I spend countless hours, constantly, fighting with myself — my brain is bifurcated with half of it saying that this is all bullshit and Lue was at top P.T. Barnum mode and the other half saying, "but if he's right — will the decision I just made trigger the event, will the set of tires I just bought fail and kill someone — will the action I just did be the catalyst for this terrible event that takes me a long time to get over?" These thoughts are constantly in my head, and I directly place the blame on Lue for implanting these intrusive thoughts — because I'm OPEN to the idea of the "woo" being real. It was wrong. It was invasive. It was mentally detrimental. It was unethical. It was brutal.
No one has the right — no one should violate basic human ethics — no one should ever manipulate or otherwise affect the mental health of another human in such a non-volunteer way. This was not asked for. This was not welcomed. This was wrong. This is Gaslighting. This IS abuse. I fully recognize that the probability of Lue being anything other than a fake, manipulating, self-serving charlatan who uses neuro-linguistic programming and other "parlor tricks" which have, in my opinion, a striking similarity to what I’ve read about the tactics of Scientology, is statistically higher than him being a clairvoyant remote viewer capable of predicting the future. Still, I am now, through the direct cause of his forcing this upon me, stuck in a constant battle between "What if he's right?" vs. "He's full of shit." This plagues me. My rational brain knows this to be manipulation, but the simple fact that I remain open to the idea of "woo" being, at least partially, real keeps me thinking that there may be something to this. I second guess nearly everything I do to prevent enacting a self-fulfilling prophecy…but at the same time, maybe that second-guessing causes the prophecy to occur. No one deserves to be trapped within this circle of hell.
I see two blatant violations of basic human values here:
- If he knows the future, he should never force that knowledge upon anyone who doesn't directly ask for it. The ramifications of this "disclosure" alter personalities, change lives, create unwanted stress and angst, and violate the basic foundations of personal sovereignty and the very definition of ethical behavior. Not to mention the direct invasion of privacy by gaining access to personal information that hasn't even happened yet. It is anti-humanistic and approaches the boundaries of being simply evil.
- If he is full of shit, then his words were designed in a way to forcefully change behavior without any regard to the wellbeing of the receiver and without any care whatsoever to any mental collateral damage it may do — all for a self-serving reason and without care. This, too, is approaching the boundaries of being simply evil.
I do not see a scenario where his actions positively effect anyone outside of himself. (If he could really remote view in the future, he should have seen all of this coming...but maybe he did. I am swirling in circular logic and drowning in second-guessing. )
I highlighted those three portions of Lue's pledge as I feel that he is in direct contravention to both the letter and the spirit of those statements. What I experienced was absolutely real in the effect it had on me, and I don't believe he always told me the truth; I don't feel I was treated with respect, and I certainly feel as if I was abused.
The disconnect between the constant back-and-forth between Cahill's statements of the importance of maintaining a scientific approach and attacking those who were "woo" when speaking to me but accepting the "Woo of Lue" was maddening. To highlight this, there was a previous conversation where Sean said that he "…had names to secretly discriminate and mute people." He called them "namers." He said that "If you claim to know the names of any of these fuckers…Andromedans, Zeta Reticulans, Martians…any hint of knowing the name of "The Phenomenon" and having special knowledge that requires your special techniques… I'll film it and smile, but I bet it gets Jack shit and woo woo." If that was his true feelings, why then would he apparently fully accept the idea of Lue Elizondo remote viewing me from the future… none of it made sense…none of it.
In my opinion, the public face of Lue Elizondo is drastically in opposition to his private behavior. I do not believe that Lue "always" tells us the truth. I was not respected — as manipulation and exploitation are not forms of respect. The overall approach I was subjected to feels like a form of abuse — it certainly wasn't healthy. I take serious exception with his publicly facing words highlighted above as they are at direct odds with my personal experience (and allegedly, the experience of others.)
Either way you slice it, it was a non-invited discussion on his part. Perhaps I'm over-sensitive to this. Perhaps you would also feel how I do. I don't know. My rational brain believes this to be a circus act designed to "bring me back into the fold." However, I can't shake the notion that there is still a non-zero percent chance that he's legit — and that infinitesimally small percentage is burning a hole in my head and will likely continue to do so until the date comes and goes. But again, I never asked for this — and his actions are, in my opinion, and in their continued effects on me, a "dick move." Regardless of option 1 or option 2 above, it is something that I will never forgive him for and something that I sincerely hope no one else has ever been made to suffer through. Though I feel the likelihood that others are subjected to this is high…
I feel as if the people in Lue's close circle may be selected due to their damaged mental states, giving way for easier manipulations and control. In my experience, I've met, spoken with, and even befriended a handful of people who were/are at least tangentially associated with Lue in one way or another. Many of these people told me similar stories and experiences. Folks from Canada, Northern California, and even Texas have familiar stories and have told me various aspects of their mental health. Some are prior military — even from Canadian forces. Some are scientists. Some are ex-police officers — but the commonality between them is their statements on how they felt they were being recruited, groomed, controlled, and manipulated. They expressed similar reactions that I witnessed from Lue when they didn't "buy what he was selling." There appears to be a pattern. And that, to me, is both significant and disturbing. To me, it's also a basis for those in his circle who appear to be nearly militant in their defense of him to be re-evaluated as not necessarily bad people but perhaps just misguided or otherwise controlled. I feel the people who have become soldiers of his defense should be allowed to be seen in a different light and be given a pass of sorts. In his previous conversations with me, Sean may have been right about this being a control construct, but he may have been off the mark regarding who built that construct.
Justin Tandy and Dustin Hoyer from "I Believe in Humans" and Jake Mann from "ItsRedacted" spent the next couple of weeks pouring over the footage shot in Wyoming. I can not express enough how their professionalism, cinematic vision, editing, sound treatment, and direction were shown in the final product. They took five days of "show up and throw up" and produced a 2-minute video with quality better than that of any TV show trailer I've ever seen. The output was fantastic. The cinematography was fantastic. The editing, coloring, and sound processing — are all fantastic. It looked amazing. These folks are pure professionals with an extreme amount of combined talent — I truly wish them all the best in their future endeavors. This was the single part of the whole fiasco that wasn't done half-assed. Any group, corporation, agency, studio, or project would be well advised to use these folks for their media creations. The pitching of the product came back around, full circle, to amateur hour.
During many of this team's previous conversations over text, conference calls, and emails, we were told by Lue, through Sean, that we were known by some heavy hitters in Hollywood. That landing a continuing series was basically ours to lose. Sean had previously told us that he had been directly tasked with taking over Lue's media engagements and that he was handling all of Lue's meetings, appearances, and such. As mentioned before, this was all occurring during and right after the collapse of TTSA.
Fast-forward to January 27th, 2021. The team had spent countless days before, during, and after the Wyoming shoot being told that this was in the bag and that we would land a series from it. We were convinced this was the best thing since a TTSA investment, and we were guaranteed to end up on a long-term series. After watching the finalized teaser trailer, Lue asked us all, "Gents, this is a Very, Very good product! My wife watched it 4 times already. With your permission, i am now sending to Scott Carlin, James Fox, Jeff Seganski, and one other former CEO from HBO-Max. Stay tuned!!!" Obviously, we were all stoked and felt, through the words of Sean, that we were "in," and it was a done deal and that the presentation was simply a formality.
The excitement level pushed back my issues and concerns — I was about to be on HBO! In retrospect, it's actually quite amazing how the allure of being on TV can make one forget that things aren't what they appear to be. I succumbed to it. Again, I felt as if this would be a life-changing moment, complete with fame, fortune, and a legacy. The red flags of the past weeks and months evaporated and were replaced by the constant accolades and "atta-boys" we received from Sean and Lue. Man, I wanted that show. I wanted to be on TV. I wanted the work and effort on the OSIRIS to pay off. I wanted it so damn bad that I nearly forgot why I started this whole journey. The funny thing was, I never wanted this before. It wasn't why I got into this. But somewhere, somehow, I took the wrong colored pill, and suddenly I was counting on the show. I could leave my job and just drive around the country in the OSIRIS with a film crew and do what I wanted to do…all without realizing this wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to collect data and make discoveries — not conduct witness interviews and transport "metamaterials" and be an unwitting pawn in someone else's story. Looking back, it felt like some kind of spell — as if my own desires, goals, and ambitions had been supplanted by those which were implanted artificially. It's quite disgusting to me now. I don't fully comprehend the -how- behind it… but it just feels artificial and forced.
The next day, on January 28th, we had a full team zoom call. Jeff Seganski, James Fox, Scott Carlin, Lue Elizondo, Jake Mann, a few others, and myself — pitching the idea for the show. Key in on that word "pitching" because it was as if Jeff and Scott hadn't even heard of this idea before we spoke.
The pitch by Lue to Fox, Seganski, and the others was incredible. Not in the sense that I was impressed — but in the sense that I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Now, please keep in mind that at the time of the pitch, the OSIRIS was nothing more than a 23-year-old Land Rover with a single SkyHub and one camera. There was no custom programming, no special sensor package, and no extended capabilities past that of the single SkyHub — which wasn't even working. Towards the beginning of the call, Lue described the OSIRIS as a "…mobile collection device that looks at Signals Intelligence, Imagery Intelligence, and Measurement Intelligence, and Electronics Emissions Intelligence, ELINT, in a condensed package that allows us to go out to remote locations, austere locations, hotspots, if you will, and begin to collect data." Shortly after that, I believe it was either Jeff Seganski or Scott Carlin who said, (referencing the statement in the teaser trailer) "It seemed like you guys were heading to Rendalshim. Were you just going to put it on a boat and head over there?" to which Lue replied, "We could certainly do that." So, right off the bat, my capabilities and reach and the OSIRS were being way over-sold… (Imagine the requirements for the importation of a vehicle into the UK, a vehicle rife with ITAR restrictions, and the subsequent process of attempting to get it back into the United States) This wasn't oversold to just anyone — these were former heavy hitters from Sony, HBO, and other Hollywood powerhouses. I was not comfortable with this — but at this point, I still hadn't had an opportunity to speak.
Continuing in the conversation pitch, Lue began to talk about a ranch in New Mexico that he claimed he and Chris Mellon had been following very closely and called it "basically another Skinwalker that isn't publicly known yet…and they have offered us to bring the OSIRIS capability there and start filming for TV…" This reference by Lue is touched on in that teaser trailer where he speaks of a ranch in New Mexico. After a few questions from the execs regarding the ranch, Sean Cahill speaks up and states, "It's what we built this machine for, literally what we built it for." Now, this is a bit of my ego showing through, but that was a bit of a kick in the pants for me. Sean didn't have anything to do with the OSIRIS — he contributed no money, time, equipment, or effort to it, and here I am listening to his claim that "we" built it. I felt marginalized. At this point, Lue jumps back in and starts claiming how the OSIRIS could provide data collection for "…hyperspectral signatures, looking at radioactive/radiation signatures, you're looking at a signature or the absence of signatures. It has the ability to take tri-meter, the electromagnetic noise that's in an area, record all that, and cancel it all out to detect an anomaly."
WHAT?!
No. No, and No. The singular camera I had was a Dahua 50232 fisheye camera. There were no capabilities for hyperspectral imaging — there was no equipment for detecting radioactive/radiation signatures, and there was absolutely no process, equipment, or ability to cancel anything out. What he said was a complete fabrication of capabilities. To compound the sensationalism, Lue further described the technology in the OSIRIS as having come from "a friend in the NSA" and how I "…managed to take an idea that is supposed to sit on top of a US Embassy or near an air base and made this thing completely mobile with multi-spectral capabilities…radiation detector, background noise cancelation, you name it."
For the record, the SkyHub was developed by a team of fantastic volunteers who came together for a common cause to develop an affordable device having the sole purpose of recording CCTV videos of potential UAP. This was NOT designed by the NSA, and it was never intended to "sit on top of a US Embassy" — and again, it certainly didn't have any of the capabilities that Lue was claiming it to have. But it didn't stop. Lue continued to over inflate, oversell, and make grandiose claims about the OSIRIS and its singular SkyHub by saying, "And Jeremy used the technology that we would use in the intelligence communities, so rather than some Ghost Busters approach that's all sensationalized like something you'd see in Ghost Hunters, Jeremy took actual technology that we would use in the intelligence community to track, let's say a North Korean ICBM missile coming in on re-entry, and stick that in the back of a Range Rover and build this thing."
Embarrassing. False. Inaccurate. Sensationalized. Over-hyped. Disingenuous. — And now I was placed in a position where I could either call him out in front of these top Hollywood executives and kill the entire deal, or I could just nod my head and hope I wasn't asked for any confirmation. This was not the meeting I expected, and it certainly wasn't anything I was comfortable with.
At this point, Marc Barasch, the writer and co-producer of James Fox's movie, "The Phenomenon," began to speak and introduced himself by highlighting his involvement in documenting stories such as Roswell and his efforts with Ted Turner and his reach into the world of media as well as his involvement in remote sensing (technology, not woo) with satellite imagery from Maxar, the European Space Agency, ESRI, and blockchain applications that involved reforestation efforts identified through the remote sensing platforms with an AI/ML component that can identify areas that benefit from carbon sequestration. I mention this only because of the proliferation of disparate blockchain initiatives that seem to pop up inside the UFO topic as of late. I don't know if there is any direct association, but this could be the genesis for some of those projects. The interesting thing is how (I believe it was Marc) drew the comparison to this film project to that of TTSA and said how TTSA didn't have the fill of people around them to build the media business. While they had the intellectual capital, they were missing the entertainment expertise… "And you know what that got you, Lue."
Lue confirmed and responded with, "Absolutely, this is exactly what we see now, the capability to take what we could have done and turn it into reality, and this is why I think it's so important that you have a chance to talk with these gentlemen now, not only just on the OSIRIS but our meeting afterward where we're going to talk to the other individuals on the other verticals we discussed…the other IP, and turn this into truly a multimedia capability."
Other IP? Other individuals? TTSA? Other verticals?
What is happening? Where was this going, and what the hell was I now involved with? This had gone 0 to 60 from Jake Mann and I discussing that it might be interesting to document the OSIRIS build and do some data collection to me having (non-existent) embassy guarding NSA hyperspectral and radiological technology to re-invent TTSA and become a multimedia push. This had no resemblance to anything that I had originally envisioned. Lue even stated that he had spoken with Chris Mellon that very day — stated that Chris was fully aware and supportive of what we were doing and expressed to the Hollywood execs that we weren't doing this "in a vacuum" and that we had "Chris' 100% blessing." This really struck me as odd. Was this Lue further pushing the idea that the project has support from people of significance — did Hollywood need that reassurance — was this just posturing? Was there another reason for that interjection? To this day, I don't know — but personally, I feel as if it was just chest-thumping. After being involved in a few TV shows and a movie, it certainly doesn't appear to me that Hollywood really cares about whether former representatives of the USG support a production. At this point, I felt that any authenticity, honesty, and all the reasons I became first involved with the project had evaporated and were replaced with an artificial production designed for a very specific and (desired by others) payoff.
The next serious concern I had with this conversation is how Lue offered up his knowledge and access to information from inside AATIP. Historically, Lue has always "left breadcrumbs" and then invoked his governmental NDA and security clearance. But what was about to happen next in this conversation would, in my mind, invalidate any idea that Lue Elizondo is restricted by an NDA relating to his time and work inside of AAWSAP, AATIP, UAPTF, or whatever abbreviation.
“I’ve offered Sean and company the ability to take information that I had access to while at AATIP and translate that into new leads that I was never allowed to talk about before, like this ranch, like the meta-material in Ohio, and send them with a camera crew to actually collect it and then take it, for example, the material, and then take it to Jacque Vallee for real scientific analysis.”
Full stop. FULL STOP. If Lue Elizondo was involved in a sanctioned program of the United States Government, is his offering of information he had access to violating National Security? Is it a violation of his NDA? Is this legal? Am I getting sucked into something that will land my ass in a black site prison in some country without a name? OR does this allude to the idea that AATIP wasn't official, that there wasn't any classified material, and that the idea of breadcrumbs and NDAs was all smoke and mirrors? I was now thinking that either Lue Elizondo ran a top-secret United States Government Program dealing in sensitive and classified data, which is under NDA and other governmental restrictions regarding its release — OR — that was all BS and amounted to that of just a social club of volunteers who were playing around and exchanging emails after hours… Putting two and two together, and seeing how he was volunteering information to "Sean and company" to have a TV camera crew follow us around, I had to accept the idea that nothing from AATIP would be classified or under an NDA, as I highly doubted that the USG would say, "Hey, you can't talk about any of this or disclose any of this, UNLESS you get a sweet TV production deal — then let it all rip!"
Another major issue I had with this whole debacle is my perception that it was not holding to my standard of truth. I felt it was seriously sensationalized, faked, and was to be produced (at no fault of Jake, Justin, or Dustin) in a way that did not hold integrity. What was about to come out of Lue Elizondo's mouth truly solidified this thought for me. The discussion had taken a turn for the "business model" around the project — was it to be an episodic TV show, a mini-series, or a movie, and what would be the payoff — how could the Execs justify investment and know that there would be the cliff hanger and the "AH HA!" moment that keeps the viewers engaged. Lue really broke this down into a very detailed explanation of what was to happen:
“Here’s where intelligence and due diligence come into play. I’m not going to send them to go get a Wrigley’s wrapper. I’m going to send them to a place to get material that I already know has been analyzed by somebody in the scientific community and there is something very interesting about it. It’s not a wild goose chase. Unfortunately, to some degree, I’m probably unfairly hedging our bets because I already know, to some degree, what may pay off and what doesn't. At a minimum, there is enough interesting nuances associated with the material that anybody in the scientific community is gonna say “That’s interesting, I don’t know what that is, but that is interesting.”
So, now I'm on the call, thinking I'm back to the previous issue. Is the data classified, and did it come from AATIP, or is this just a boys club with someone in Ohio holding a piece of something from a downed drone that was found — and all the Rendalshim story around it is fake? It seemed to me that Lue himself already knew it would turn out to be "interesting" but not definitively alien. Logic would tell me that this was 100% a set-up for television — and now I had my answer as to why I would be allowed to drive my truck with a Geico insurance policy to pick up potentially the world's most valuable materials — because they weren't. It was a glorified sham. My brain was screaming to drop the call and get out at that specific moment — but I heald on. I wasn't ready to have the entire rug pulled from me. I mean, this was my truck, my original story to be documented by Jake. Perhaps I could salvage it and return it to the honest approach around the attempt to collect real data, not a formulaic approach to a TV show with falsified storylines.
One of the other issues was this apparent overlap between what Lue had been previously working on with this group where he would go and investigate the phenomenon in South America, and the pitch of "Storm Chasers with UAP" that we were now discussing. This seemed to be why these execs agreed to the call, because of the previous conversations they had regarding the potential for a six-part series featuring Lue doing investigations — and they didn't seem thrilled that we were potentially watering down the market of exclusivity. The remainder of this call continued to deteriorate to a point where the execs directly alluded to the fact that this wouldn't get off the ground. Honestly, I was relieved. Even though (I believe it was Marc) who said, "To be very clear, this fits in perfectly with Phenomena Inc. This is exactly what this company is being set up and designed to do. You know, however, every venture, every content creation that gets put in and produced will vary." Regardless, the conversation dwindled to the idea that we weren't prepared and didn't have storylines coherent enough to become an episodic TV show. Lue began to reiterate the ideas that there was enough material, from the material pickup in Ohio to him exploiting the fact that I had access to the adjoining property to Skinwalker and even to another material pickup in Missouri that hadn't been previously mentioned; the interactions with Jacques Vallee and Hall Putoff — and even to the ability for "…us to tip this over to the dead zone in Mexico…where I have three other places from my time in ATIP where we could put this vehicle, for example, the Native Americans, the Crow people have some areas…with a long history of USOs coming out of the water." — Then he goes on to say that he's been asked to brief the Canadian government "next week, this is a fact, and the reason why is that the Manitoba province, in a Northern part of the Manitoba province, they've been having a lot of UAP activity to the point now it's gotten to the MPs, and the MPs want me to give them a briefing on AATIP."
My heart actually skipped a beat on that statement, thinking that Lue Elizondo, an alleged former leader of a classified project inside the Pentagon, was going to provide a briefing to foreign nationals on that classified project. Again, how is this even possible? Is the briefing sanctioned by the USG, or didn't they know? Was AATIP an actual US Government Program, or wasn't it (thinking if it wasn't, then that could explain how he could talk to foreign nationals about it — if it were, then he would either need USG permission or he -was- still the permitting authority.) I was very confused. I am still very confused. I could actually imagine Lue reaching through the computer and attempting to remote view the execs in the future to tell them how successful the show had become…
I feel lucky that the HBO-Max pitch ended the way it did. My interpretation of the severe uphill climb we would face to get a show provided the right opportunity at the right time to finally step out of the control I now feel I was under. Back at my house, reflecting on everything, all the red flags, all the embellishments, all the sensationalism, everything that Lue did to me, the apparent lies I was told…it all came together in my mind, and I decided to leave the project finally. There wasn't any more team building, no more calls with Hollywood executives, just a period of calm where I could process everything in my own rite and analyze, without interruption, what the hell the last year had been.
On February 5th, 2021, I sent Sean a text message saying, "I'm doing this without the film crew. This isn't what it was supposed to be…Ever since we left Wyoming — I've been treated as a pariah and placed in the corner with a "good bot, sit" command. I was doing this for me. I was doing this to get answers. I was doing this to help my own mentality. But when I'm treated externally, the way I feel internally — it's time for me to choose a different path." The "internal and external" comment was the beginning of my ability to express how I was suffering from depression, PTSD, and how I felt I was being manipulated and controlled. After a few inconsequential texts between Sean and me and a day later, he stated, "So, if you figure you wanna go to the playground and scrap it out, I have the house to myself, pls call. Tomorrow I'm making business calls I can't undo. This ain't a threat; it's a lifeline. Your call…I need you to be decisive."
On February 6th, 2021, at 7:56 pm, I called Sean and told him that I was absolutely out of the project and wouldn't participate in it in any way, shape, or form. Sean then launched into the most aggressive, hateful, and incomprehensible tirade of words I've not heard since perhaps my Drill Sergeant in Basic Training. I had the phone on speaker, and my wife listened with her mouth wide open, nearly in shock from the screaming on the other side of the line. I wondered if Sean would pass out from a lack of oxygen in his apparent failure to breathe. I never found out as I hung up when I heard him say that I "…simply have to accept the fact that I'm your fucking boss in this, and you will do what I tell you to." Oh, how I long for the days where you could slam the phone in a rage-quit episode of a call — now, hitting the big red hang-up button on a touch screen just doesn't have the same cathartic effect. I've not spoken a word to Sean since that day.
On Feb 22nd, 2021, after taking a break and simply relaxing, spending time with my wife, and generally feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted, guilt hit me square in the chest for the one thing I felt responsible for. Jake Mann had put approximately $17,000 of his personal money into the project. I reached out to Jake Mann and explained everything that happened. I shared all of my concerns, though not nearly as formulated with the benefit of hindsight as they are now, and I explained to him the exchanges between myself and Sean. For those of you wanting verification, feel free to contact Jake and ask — but I offered to continue to participate in the project in a limited role until he was at least able to recover his initial investment. Jake was appreciative, and we talked about how, if a show was created, I could show up for the initial episode, and they could develop an arc for why I left the show. But ultimately, a show never happened, and I never needed to show up. Jake and I still occasionally exchange texts. Recently, he felt the need to create a Twitter thread in my defense, clarifying the issues around my departure from the project. A fictitious and hurtful rumor circulated on Twitter — propagated by some of Lue's ardent supporters, apostles, acolytes, and fanatics. These accounts were spreading lies, saying that I was fired from the project; others said I was driving drunk during the filming, and others even said I had almost killed Lue in a vehicle fire. Jake posted the following tweet explaining how he was the producer and that I simply left the project — yet the hate and vitriol still comes in nearly daily, accusing me of some of the most ridiculous things you can imagine.
In the tweet, Jake even verified my willingness to continue in the project as mentioned previously:
After leaving the project completely, and after a month or so of reflection, I began to be a bit vocal in my dissatisfaction with Lue, having seen firsthand his tactics and approach with me, the project, and HBO Max — and seeing what I felt was an extension of those same behaviors in the media, podcasts, and Twitter, I began to call them out. This caused me to become an instant pariah on Twitter. I was nearly a lone voice speaking out about what I felt were disingenuous statements, claims, and behaviors. I NEEDED to let people know that things were not what they seemed. I felt a kind of responsibility. Having built the OSIRIS to search for truth, finding the truth inside of UFOlogy was becoming my new crusade — however, I had no support structure, no one else had seen what I had seen or experienced what I experienced, and my claims were received as those of a lunatic — accusing the leader of the disclosure movement with unethical behavior, manipulations, disinformation, sensationalism, and what I perceived as lies. I had no wingman — no confidant — no one to validate what I was saying, and my speaking up, with the hate, attacks, threats, vitriol, lies, and rants, took another mental toll on me. The attacks were constant, non-stop — and often involved my family, my kids, and my wife. People contacted my employer and attempted to get me fired. Others contacted DISA and attempted to get my security clearance revoked. It was an onslaught of hate. Pure, unadulterated hate. I was drowning, and I couldn't catch my breath. My personal number was leaked on Reddit — I received death threats and filed reports with Las Vegas Metropolitan Police. To this day, I am targeted by fanatics or those who have swallowed the Blue Lue Pill and believe he is the Messiah of disclosure. Nearly five to six times a day, I am still harassed and targeted by new Twitter accounts with only a handful of followers and established members of #Ufotwitter — it's an army of minions who have made me their target. To this day, UAPx receives numerous tweets, direct messages, and emails from people attempting to have me removed from the group.
In full disclosure, I've often offered up my resignation to the board of UAPx. The constant barrage of targeted hate I receive takes a toll, certainly. Each time I've taken the temperature of the UAPx board, I've been told to fully ignore all aspects of social media and continue to do what I do for the team. Yet, I can't help but feel guilty for the negative associations I've apparently brought to UAPx. UAPx is in one of the most difficult positions of any organization — fighting against a continuing stigma, the fact that none of us are paid, the understanding that the company has no revenue, and attempting to balance both the ideas of work/life with that of increasing the exposure of the company without compromising ideals, values, ethics, and science. I've often felt that my presence (confirmed by many DMs, Emails, Calls, and Actions of others) within UAPx is an unneeded distraction and a hindrance to the organization's progress. To that, I -today- pinged the UAPx board and affiliates to ask for honest feedback on my performance and contributions to the organization. The following are the responses I received:
1-From Dr. Cecilia Levy, Ph.D., Physics:
Granted, I haven’t known you for that long, but I pride myself on being a very good judge of character. You are the rare kind of person who will tell you what you need to hear. The issue with this is that most people don’t like that; they want to be enabled, so that creates friction. But the hard truth is that it’s because of people like you that this field has any chance of actually doing something real and tangible. You don’t make progress by enabling whatever crackpot comes around. Your goal is always clear: the proper advancement of UAP studies through serious scientific and ethical principles. You are an asset to UAPx; there is no question there. You don’t have a Ph.D., but you’ve got to be one of the most technically adept people I’ve ever met. It seems you can build anything out of nothing. The dedication and motivation it takes to build something like the OSIRIS on a very limited budget is impressive. Your insights on sensors and instruments are always spot on. I personally have great respect for you. We need more yous in the world…(although the world might not be ready for that!)
2-From Dr. Matthew Szydagis, Ph.D., Physics:
You are an incredibly valued member of the UAPx team, and it’s not just about the OSIRIS: it is about your mind and the skill sets you bring to the table, both administrative and anti-woo/skeptical, despite not being a scientist yourself. I have heard secondhand through other UAPx team members that they were told you are a “liability,” and they were asked why you are still on the team. I find these rumors/stories disheartening because I have never had a moment of doubt myself as to your value to UAPx.
3- From Gary Voorhis, President, UAPx:
I first became interested Jeremy McGowan when I ran into his profile for Osiris. I then looked him up and read whatever came up about him on a quick google search. At the time, we were talking to a movie producer about what is now our documentary. I had yet to even speak with Jeremy. As fate would have it, I would get ahold of Jeremy, talk with him, and see what he was about. He was bold, straightforward, and kind of a dick. I liked him immediately. I told him about UAPx and invited him to engage with us. I found out he had worked with Lue and Sean, so I wanted to vet him and called and messaged both to ask about him. Lue didn’t have much to say other than they had a falling out and that he hoped any future endeavors for him worked out. Sean told me I should not have any dealing with him and that he had fucked them all over. I then contacted a 3rd and 4th party with a different take on things, and I thought, well, what then hell I liked him; I will take the chance.
That is when the thing fell into place. As it happened, the same producer we were talking to had also started talking to Jeremy, and I then used that as the catalyst to try to get Jeremy to join the team officially. He eventually joined, and then we made the official announcement through the movie.
Since then, I have enjoyed endless hours of camaraderie and mentorship. When I took on the role of President of UAPx, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Jeremy has been there shoulder to shoulder day after day. He has had my back and continues to do so. Life is messy, and I would rather have 100 McGowans telling it straight than one boot licker. He is a top performer in UAPx and has given me everything to make us successful. I could not do it without him. I am truly grateful he chose to stay with my little company, and I count him as one of my true friends. I will let you know that it is not a long list.
So, in conclusion, I, Gary P. Voorhis Jr., think very highly of Jeremy McGowan I don’t know many what would be so ridiculously articulate one minute but be able to tell someone to eat a bag a dicks the next. I don’t find this, particularly a bad thing. I enjoy that when pushed, he does not fold. Over the few years I have known him, I have received a ton of pushback due to his brash personality, and I honestly don’t give a damn. He has earned his place in my company and as my friend. He may be a son of bitch sometimes, but he is our son of a bitch.
I want to express my sincere gratitude for the faith that the UAPx team places in me. Your words help counter the daily attacks, vitriol, and hate I am subjected to daily. Your respect, willingness to work with me, and the fact that I see direct results from my contributions to the team provide a sense of belonging and accomplishment in a very organic, natural, and non-manipulative way — and I appreciate that more than you can ever know. I apologize to them for any distractions I seem to bring to the organization and stand ready to withdraw my position on the board should they ever become insurmountable. UAPx will succeed with or without me. Suppose my presence becomes an ACTUAL liability to the organization and not just the target of social media trolls. In that case, I will withdraw so that UAPx can concentrate on what really matters — the search for truth.
As I mentioned previously, I do feel that the most militant and ardent supporters of Lue, "Papa Lue" to many of them, should be given a bit of a pass — even in light of their constant belittlement and attacks upon myself and others. They may well not fully realize their actions' reasons or results. Every decision, action, and effort has second and third-order consequences…outcomes that are different from the first desired outcome yet are directly related to the initial decision — when one is "under a spell," so to speak, one tends to be oblivious to fully understanding the consequences.
END
This marks the end of Part 4 of my five-part series of articles. In the following weeks, I will begin to write and publish the final article. Once I finish this series, I sincerely hope I've advanced people's desire for actionable truth. It's not enough to trust. It's not enough to believe. Part 5 will detail my involvement with UAPx, where I am now, and what comes next.
Until then, dear reader. Go outside, look up, and watch your back because no one watches out for you better than yourself at the end of the day…unless you happen to be part of UAPx.
