The biggest danger of the narcissist: (abuser) They can access your subconscious mind to plant very harmful seeds.
There is much talk about the ‘subconscious mind’ or the unconscious, but most people don’t know how it works or how to ‘clean it out’ of negative influences or beliefs. Let’s find out and change that !
The subconscious controls your life. Let me assure you, affirmations don’t work. Positive self talk is useless. Visualization techniques are useless if your unconscious is holding perceptions of yourself that are contrary to and are working against your conscious aims.
You could read every positive attitude self help book on the shelf at your local fancy bookstore, with no visible gains in your position. They will however, keep you on the right track and keep your motivation in the right condition.
How do I know this? I did it. I’ve experienced everything described above.
How does the narcissist (or abuser) figure into this crucial area? They can access your subconscious. Those who can get into your most delicate, fertile field of dreams are the people you have an emotional connection to.
Your jerk boss probably can’t plant any seeds (which are thoughts or judgements) on you, your abilities or your character that seep into your unconscious, where they will find fertile soil & grow. Authority figures you are close to, are people who can have an influence on you (and your subconscious) A coach you want to impress or ‘please’ can get in to your deepest place of consciousness. A boyfriend or girlfriend you aren’t in love with, probably can’t ‘implant you’ with a positive or negative. A coach you don’t like can’t get to you. It’s the people you have an emotional connection to, who can.
People who ‘love you’ or supposedly do, can get in. Your family of origin makes the biggest imprint. Let me give you an example: My income almost doubled in a period of under three months, after clearing an unconscious belief “When I do good, I make my brother look bad.”
It was a pocket of guilt in my unconscious, stemming from a phenomenal round of golf in a very large state tournament. I was getting the attention, and he was in the background as my caddy. I felt bad about that. In my mind, he was a part of that win, and I didn’t deserve any more attention than he did.
But unconsciously, I made an imprint on me, that I had carried around for about 14 years. I had no idea I was carrying anything around.
I had, however, knock myself out in various areas of business and for others in jobs, and wasn’t succeeding anywhere nearly as well as I thought I should be. My self esteem and confidence were higher than my results. I worked incredibly hard, often needing two jobs to have extra spending money. When I did really well, they would change my commission plan ! This had just happened; the guy was a crook who happens to now have a 15 million dollar business. When I worked for him, it was a a half a million dollar enterprise. The 15 million is his net. They do over 100 million.
He had changed my commission plan for the second time, to where if I really performed, I could begin to have a pretty substantial income. The self improvement session about my brother worked in magical ways. Life began to work. I was selling huge accounts. Really huge. It was clear, I was the top salesperson in the entire business in Dallas. Not my company, the industry.
ALL BECAUSE I HAD FOUND SOMETHING IN MY UNCONSCIOUS THAT WAS HOLDING ME BACK.
The fucking asshole boss called me in few months later claiming “You’re making more money than I am. After Christmas, we’ll have to cut your commissions.” Every one of those pricks did the same thing. None of them will write big checks,no matter what kind of money you’re making them. If you leave, they keep the accounts. It’s a rigged system, all right.
It really didn’t matter in this instance: Several months earlier, I had run into an former broker friend (by chance at an Arby’s) who was considering moving back to Dallas. We planned to start a business with my new large paychecks ! I planned to continue at my sales job to support the effort.
As the man who ran the self improvement training course said, “When you remove these barriers, you find yourself in the right place, at the right time, with the right people.” I was in the largest companies, selling the biggest accounts in town….and I ran into my future business partner during a fluke meeting at an Arbys. Talk about a change of fortune in a matter of 4–5 months !
Unfortunately, there are abusers in this world. You can find yourself in the wrong place with the wrong people. I had the skills and talent to succeed. I didn’t have the skills ot the training to understand that failure to disconnect from a narcissist type, will erase every single gain you have made in life.
Let my failure be your warning: Don’t ever risk the chance it could happen to you. Know the essential skills to spot an abuser and never risk it, no matter what the potential payoff financially or emotionally. Stay clear from any high risk person.
Idries Shah — ‘Right time, right place, right people equals success.Wrong time, wrong place, wrong people equals most of the real human history.’
Back to the people who can ‘get in your head.’ Anyone you implicitly trust can get in, positively or negatively. Anyone you love can be a potential subconscious friend or foe. The coach I mentioned gave me a few compliments that lasted for 25 years. He had more influence on my self esteem than my own father, who gave very few compliments and zero ‘lift you up’ emotional support.
It’s a matter of deserve. I remember exactly where I was when I realized “I have the talent to make $100,000 a year. ” (This was after the self improvement session ) I had goals of that figure from age 21, but they were only goals. I didn’t know that I know this was true. A steady diet of self improvement , motivational books were a huge part of my life for 20 years prior. I never came close to real success. I performed extremely well for numerous employers so that part was ‘successful.’ I was often promoted to sales manager and those positionans were performed very well, but they just made the owners rich. I never made any real money.
I deserved better pay, but in hindsight, I didn’t work for anyone with real high character or when I did, they weren’t large income jobs. In reality, self employment was the only place one could control your own destiny. My ‘guru’ from the self improvement class, described his experience with an NFL quarterback he worked with, “John could have success.” The deserve factor. But you can feel you deserve these things and not get them, because your unconscious holds ‘You don’t deserve ‘ thoughts or impressions.
Safety is essential for any kind of success or progression path. It is humanly impossible to perform without it. No one on earth succeeds without safety and a sense of security. No one succeeds within their own ‘world’ that has fear, concern, chaos or strife in the immediate environment. No one succeeds in a hostile environment. Succeed in this description isn’t reserved only for financial gain. Consider it to mean a progress being made towards any meaningful aim.
