#30DaysWritingChallenge — Day 19: My First Love

I do not really know if it is first love or not. What do I know is that I still hope for her happiness even though she said that it was over for both of us. It is not like we have an official relationship whatsoever, but we have a promise to each other in which I still keep till now. It is just things has changed and I think by keeping this promise I know that she is my first true love. The kind of love that I am going to marry her.

The first time I met her, it was under the bright moon of one first year student event. Beside the bonfire, her hair is glimmering with fiery shine and her face half-revealed in the light. We introduced ourselves to each other. It was a bit of shock that we were coming from the same faculty. It was time to ask for a dance partner and since I am under the venustraphobia symptoms and from the glance look she is beautiful, I skip my chance to ask her as my dance partner.

Our second encounter was in front of my class with her on her sui generis style. It was an art class and she come to my class to take her assignment. I was astonished to see her works of art. From my perspectives, it was a design with a great deal of effort and she was look like kinda disappointed with it. That induce my curiosity and interest towards her. It was only an interest of friendship and learning from her before long it change into something else.

Third fateful encounter happened in her classroom. I did a little bit of favors to her and randomly on the night she sent a picture message to me. We start our days of messaging each other, talking to each other, going out together, and the rest was history.

I know the first time my feeling changed towards her is that, I am feeling pain seeing her pain expression, I am feeling grateful for each and every of her accomplishments, I think on how I could reach the same level as her in a lot of terms to let me to propose her (really, I think that far, I just want to have one love back then). I remember on one occasion she ask me what will I be in two years and that question startle me since in terms of intelligence, wits, and social status I have far to reach her level. Right now, has been exactly two years since she asked that question and I don’t manage to accomplish anything big yet. Maybe that’s why I do not deserve her.

It was short togetherness, around 4months, before I got no access of communication and she turns out to be cared on the hospital without knowing her condition at all. Once I got communication access once more, it seems that I have ignored her for too long. She left, maybe it was too bad of me and I think she deserve more than someone like me.

Despite that, there was one promise we made as I told earlier. This is one of the promise to give my effort even more and to do better everyday. It was only a random promise in one of our date. The promise is due in 25 December 2018. I would propose her as long as none of us have dated another person. It is totally fine if she has forgotten about it, at least I will not regret my decision and hope to be able to fulfill the promise.

I was not heart-broken with her decision at all. It makes me happy to know that she do it for her own happiness!

So, that is my first love, maybe not really romantic, but she taught me to let go of my fear for beautiful woman, she taught me to have my self-esteem, she taught me to have my own principle, and on top of it all she taught me how to love.