Curb Your Enthusiasm in 2016 Spec Script (IN PROGRESS)
(an excerpt from one of the Curb Your Enthusiasm Spec Scripts I often find myself writing in my head)
Funkhouser and Jeff unfriend and block each other over a silly incident. Both ask Larry to pick sides. Larry is expecting favors from both so he decides to walk the line, playing one against the other. When each party insists he needs to pick a side Larry likes both Jeff and Funkhouser’s rants against each other on facebook, assuming that they won’t be able to check on each other’s pages. Larry visits Funkhouser to get his tickets and finds him with an attitude:
- Remember how we got together on your side at your shit talking event?
- What event?
- The one you posted on your wall, shit-talking about Jason Alexander
- That’s how it looked to you?
- I thought I was complaining to my friends in earnest about a personal trouble. A little heart to heart, if you will.
- Yeah, I know, the person you were talking about wasn’t there…so
- So? Was I supposed to invite him over?
- ..just calling a spade a spade
- Yeah. I also remember someone siding with me there
- Exactly (sulks) I have sided with *you* Larry. You talked shit and I was on your side. And look how I got repaid. Why didn’t you raise your voice Larry? Why didn’t you show your support at my facebook post?
- First of all, I did raise my voice about it, I liked it, didn’t I?
- What’s a like Larry? What does it mean?
- Like means ‘I’m on your side’. It means I’m with you
- Like means ‘I saw it’
(somebody agrees with Funkhouser)
- So? I saw it and I liked it. It wasn’t like I liked your vacation pictures. I liked your negative opinion!
- All I’m saying is, considering what I did for you, it should have been at least an angry face Larry
- What’s an angry face? What does it mean? Am I angry at you? Jeff? Both? It’s stupid. Maybe you’d think I’m angry at you for shit talking about Jeff
- That’s why you like and *comment* Larry! Geez! All you had to say was ‘wow jeff is such an asshole’ like I said about Jason Alexander. Was that so hard? forget about that golf event, it’s off (Funkhouser walks off)
- (yells after him) Come on Funkhauser! I’ll change my like to an angry face!
Larry, goes home to find Jeff angry at his door, demanding an explanation for the like he gave to Funkhouser’s rant against himself (He thinks like means I’m with you, Larry flip flops and says ‘It means I saw it’). Upon closer examination it is revealed that Jeff blocked unblocked Funkhouser and thought it gave him the moral higher ground in this case.
So Larry immediately changes the like to angry face, assuming that saves the day. Jeff doesn’t like it, he think it might mean he is angry at Jeff. Demands an attack.
Possible ending No: 1
Funkhouser takes this bargain as an approval that Larry, indeed, thinks Jeff is an asshole, and revenge-calls Jeff and says Larry thinks he is an asshole, too, to make him feel ostracized.
Jeff feels betrayed and does an asshole-ish thing and backs up on his promise for something else Larry had long been hoping for, now Larry loses both friends and deals he was promised (cue music)
Possible ending No: 2
at one point Larry moralizes so much that he loses his “shit-talk privileges” (he is kicked out of the hollywood-in-the-know gossip group on Whatsapp where he gets his business insider tips about people) and when he finally shit-talks about Richard Lewis for having him removed from the group, nobody ‘likes’ his opinion, except he gets two angry faces from Funkhouser and Jeff. (cue music)