The Rules at Vomit and Rye, San Francisco’s premier speakeasy

Dress to impress. Gentlemen: no fedoras, please, this is not a brothel. Cravats are encouraged and also required and should be worn in the Oxford style (obviously). Ladies, you know what to do.

Drink with an open mind. Is hemlock a poison, or an adventure?

Sirs: do not burden the ladyfolk with your presence. If a woman is interested, she will approach you. If a woman is not interested, we will inform you loudly in front of your companions.

Please keep your cellular telephones firmly holstered. If you must text, please refrain from using any emojis besides the Martini glass. That’s a good one.

Yelling, shouting, bellowing, or stomping are to be avoided unless the situation warrants it, for instance if you are performing in our house band, “Yell, Shout, Bellow, Stomp.”

This is a seating bar only, we have a chair just for you. In the event that you’d like to join other guests, a chair will be made available if it’s really meant to be. Just to be clear, though: it’s not.

If you would like to read a book in our library, you may. Put it back when you’re done. We use a modified Dewey-Decimal system to arrange all twelve of our volumes. Please respect the system.

No photography. If a picture wants to be taken it will take itself with an old-timey camera.

In the event that a person of note or notoriety is present, behave like a grown up and do not approach them. In the event that a notary is present, please have all relevant documents ready before you approach them.

Vomit and Rye is not responsible for lost, stolen, or graffitied items. Standard baggage check fees apply.

Above all, enjoy yourself! Silently.