Dear Electors: How About Jeb?

Hi there, College.

Wow. What a year! And what an interesting time it must be for you.

I am sure by now you have heard some folks suggest that you ought to cast your votes for Hillary, instead of Donald, in order to represent the will of the people (the popular vote), and of course to keep a dangerous lunatic from becoming president.

There is logic to that, but it is a big ask. I get it: you (the Republicans) won the White House. Fair and square, you won. (Well, “fair” might be an overstatement, but this is politics, right? Point is, you won.) To now request that you give that up, and instead hand it over to maybe the most hated Democrat of all time… It’s a stretch, for sure.

So how about we compromise? Go with Jeb.

He’s sane. He was supposed to be the nominee anyway. Think of him like a pinch runner. Donald got you on base, but now let’s put in someone who probably won’t nuke the outfield or build a wall between you and the dugout.

All joking aside (since this is, in fact, super serious), I don’t need to tell you that this is exactly why your job exists: to prevent an unqualified populist demagogue from assuming the most important, and most honorable job in the world. If the current vote stands then your office will have served the exact opposite function, the irony of which is almost enough to just make one want to end it all right now.

To be clear, I am no Jeb supporter trying to get in the back door. Not a big fan of Hillary, either. If I could wave a wand and decide the votes myself I would have everyone vote for Biden, with Obama as VP, and then we could all just go back to doing whatever we were doing before this circus started. The thought of yet another Bush presidency does not thrill me, to put it mildly, but that is the whole point of compromise.

So, please, in the name of our democracy and all that this great country has stood for since its birth two hundred forty years ago, in the name of all our soldiers who have fought and died for our freedom, in the name of the children who deserve a decent world in which to grow, and in the name of our founding fathers who created your jobs because they had the wisdom and foresight to know that centuries down the line something like this might happen, do not hand the reins over to a fool, a man who mocks veterans, who brags about assaulting women, who openly admires the president of Russia (in an almost creepy way), and who clearly has no respect for democracy or the rule of law — the very things upon which our great country is based. Do not destroy America.

The choice is yours.