Blinding yellow sunlight. Our laughter. The smell of summer. Bedsheets on the clothes line dancing with the breeze. Running around the yard in what feels like slow motion. It’s all that I can feel of this memory. No matter how my mind tries to focus the picture, that’s all that…

Watching a mother and daughter grieve the same man in different ways gives unexpected insight into my own grief journey — I have a character curiosity, if not a flaw, that I share with my sister Karen — if something new comes along, whether it’s a show or a movie, that gets too much hype too fast, we lose all interest. Conversations with her go something like this: “Hey, did you…

Generalized anxiety plays havoc on a Thanksgiving-Day-Trip to the grocery store. I have generalized anxiety order and it manifests in different ways, but one way that’s a little bit entertaining and soul-crushing all at the same time is the monologue that plays in my head at the grocery store. Today (Thanksgiving in the U.S.) I had to run and buy something…

A curly red wig, a caftan, and some chunky accessories are all one needs to conjure the surprisingly beloved Helen Roper. — Last Saturday I participated in the inaugural Mrs. Roper Caftan Crawl in Dayton, Ohio. It was magical fun, for reasons that defy logic. After all Mrs. Roper, a minor character on a 70s sitcom, should have become a footnote in television sitcom history by now. Mrs. Helen Roper (portrayed by…

I’ve reached a threshold of grief at which I allow the occasional indulgence of believing the unbelievable — My friend Loki died today. He was not a human friend, but what I would call one of my god dogs. My friends have — had — three dogs that I dogsit for several times a year. My first charges were Lego and Loki. Then it was Lego, Loki, and…

When the road to adventure is rough, a 1984 Renault isn’t the best Mystery Machine. — In the summer of 1992, I embarked on my college career at Ozark Christian College in Joplin, MO. I landed, mistakenly I would later learn, in the Music program as a piano major. In the bowels of the chapel building, in a narrow hallway flanked on each side by small…

What life is like as a gay man when you live on a chess board — I learned to play chess in my high school gym class. You probably did tumbling, rope climbing, running, and all manner of sportsball. I learned chess, bowling (and keeping score on paper), canoeing, and archery. It was part of a new adaptive physical education class for those who could not…

Surviving the hellfire, brimstone, and marriage mentality of a conservative Christian college. — Ozark Christian College, a small, private college focused on ministry and mission work, sits at the north end of Joplin, Missouri. I had no frame of reference for what would have been considered a large enrollment; I think there were about 600–700 students my freshman year. Arriving there felt like…

Meeting a loved one in a dream offers unexpected comfort — Cold. Wet. Cooper’s nose pushes firmly against my cheek, and I am pulled from a dream which I don’t want to leave. In that dream, you lived. It’s natural, I think, for the subconscious mind to create a world where our most terrible losses are reconciled in some macabre, yet…