Bulletproof

“What were you doing? Touching me like that? We talked about this. We agreed, hyung. You can’t keep doing this. This isn’t fair.”

“I’m trying my best, Jongin. But sometimes, my body just forgets.”

Jongin sighs, exasperated. He knows what Kyungsoo means, knows how difficult it is to correct unconscious habits, knows how hard it is to catch himself reaching out, limbs remembering the path to Kyungsoo’s waist, the way to Kyungsoo’s heart.

“Then try harder.”

Kyungsoo’s lips tighten into a straight line, furrowed eyebrows casting shadows on his face. And there it is, the desire to reach and smooth out the hard lines on Kyungsoo’s brow with the pad of his thumb. Jongin clench his fists to his side.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I just — ”

“I know.”

“- it’s hard. I’m doing my best. We should be doing our best. Things will die down eventually.”

“But we can’t bring it back to how it used to, your reputation. And we can’t undo all the harm it has done to you. I can’t just sit here and let you take all the hits.”

“I know. That’s why we need to behave. You need to behave. I’m just trying to protect you — “

“Is this what you call protecting me? Jumping in front of me and taking all the bullets for the both of us?”

“Hyung — ”

“You can’t protect me if you’re dead, Jongin.”

Jongin stops, breathes, then smiles bitterly.

“Better me than the both of us.”