Life Is Unfair, Now What?
Yes, Life is not meant to be fair. It never was, never is and will never always be fair, so now what?
Ask yourself this question, if it was fair would you be here? Yes, would you be here?
Why should life be fair to you? The fact that you are reading this, means you have food to eat, access to shelter, clothing, access to a computer and internet which approximately means you have some edge over some people around the world that has one thought — food.
A lot of people complain about how life is unfair and how things went bad in their life. But hey, life was meant to be so, you just have to embrace it and not take it as the cake you can always have.
Life is Unfair
We suffer because of the idea that life was meant to be painless and things should go smoothly as it is. If life was so smooth, then we will all still be a dunce and still be using stones to start a fire or still wearing animal skins as clothes.
You don’t expect life to be fair to you because you are a good person or you work so hard. Life has its own rules, it’s complicated and not the same for everyone.
This life is so unfair that we are being brought to this life without our consent, and as well die without death asking for our permission before taking us away.
Life is a mixture of myriad torments and baffling situations that may even compel one unconsciously to erase off all the joyous occasions that they lived. Every moment in life is a bundle of unpredictable surprises, some good and some really tough.
From the school to the workplace to community, there’s no statement more damning than “You’re being unfair!” Born out of democracy and raised in open markets, fairness has become our de facto modern creed in this modern life. — Stephen T. Asma
In almost every country, judicial building, courts all over the world you will see a statue — Lady Justice — wearing a blindfold as she weighs the law on her impartial scale.
Everyone here is a victim of life unfairness. I just wondered sometimes why things happened to some people and wish I can just lift my hands and make their problems go away. But the truth is, I am also a victim.
Sometimes, humans are livestock and fuel to make this life thrive with the way newborn babies come into our lives and the way we see the people we loved no more.
Have you ever wondered why people suffer? Why people die? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why everyone around you seems to succeed and all you do is fail? Why you always don’t feel special? Why people disappoint you? Why you can’t get the job/offer/position you want? Why you have that serious illness?
Well, all these questions are questions I have asked myself and come with only one thing:
We suffer a lot because we only think about how life is unfair to us, ask a lot of whys, compare ourselves to others, we don’t want to accept it and just move on. Everyone in this life has a place they stand, orchestrated by the laws of the universe. You need to fight for yours. Don’t ever compare yourself.
As an adult, the moment you start dwelling in the thought that life should be fair to you, then it’s a thought distortion often called the cognitive distortion or Fallacy of Fairness. It basically means sometimes, we think life should always be perfect and fair to us in every way whereas it’s not. This often leads to depression because it’s basically against our belief system and our expectations.
“Life is unfair”, “No one can get everything he wanted to get” and “You can’t succeed before you suffer” are some false beliefs that your mind might use as a decoy not to present you with the real fact.
Life isn’t fair, so now what?
If you tried once and failed then definitely you will discover that life is unfair. Life was not intended for those who try only once then give up but instead, it’s orchestrated for the determined and strong-minded people who keep trying until they get what they want.
You know, you can waste all of your energy and time stuck in that persistent thought on how life is unfair to you, or you can accept the fact that there’s no way life will thrive without being unfair to everyone in the universe.
So what do I/We/You do now?
It Propels You to a New Level
Because life isn’t fair doesn’t mean you should give up and keep asking why. Life is a never-ending race of learning. When bad things happen to you (or when something good doesn’t happen to you every time), it may not just be something bad happening to you. It might be a chance to learn something new — about yourself, about the way the world works, the people around you which would propel you to a new level.
Life sometimes is unfair to us to push us away from our comfort zone, makes bad things happen to us, and prepares you for an unseen battle because things don’t always go smooth the way we want it.
Life is a Competition with Yourself
Some people might say life is a competition and some people may disagree. None is wrong, life is indeed a competition but you are only competing with the person you were yesterday. Do not compare yourselves to someone else, just do what you can to be happy.
Everyone goes through struggles in life — it’s unavoidable. You can think of how boring life would be without challenges because we would never grow up and learn without going through these hard times; we would simply walk around feeling stagnant and bored.
Pain Don’t Last Forever
Hard times and obstacles keep us on our toes, encourage us to change, improve, and continue to overcome limitations, and not fall into a trap of comfort and satisfaction. Just because things seem tough now and depressing, does not mean they will remain this way for long.
One thing I know for sure is, Pain doesn’t last forever. If it does everyone would be a sadist and there would be no happiness in this world because at one point in time everyone feels pain. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable because you would only know what joy feels like by feeling pain. Don’t linger on these feelings, let them pass through you.
You Have Control Over Your Life With Your Decisions
You are not in control of things around you, everything in this world is programmed and orchestrated. However, you have a high level of control over your life at any point in time with your decisions. You can decide on who to relate with, what to eat, where you live, what job to do, and how you behave. Though sometimes, these decisions are being affected by external factors, it depends on how you give in to these factors. The moment you feel like drowning in some of your decisions you just need to pull out.
Be Mindful Of the Present
You need to be focus and mindful of the present. You need to accept whatever has happened and move on. Don’t think about the past and what will happen in the future, think about the present.
Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a crisis, you seemingly feel like you’re confined in a hurricane that’s pulling you in so many diverse directions, giving you hard time figuring out which way to go. The past is spent and the future is filled with a myriad of unknown possibilities which is not in existence yet.
While the past is scary and the future is still unknown, the present is always safe and manageable.
Accept the Truth: Life Can’t Always be fair
The moment you start thinking about why life is hard for you, that's when you start being unfair to yourselves. Accept the fact that you can’t always be happy, winning, or not getting sick. Each of these makes you stronger when you overcome them.
You lose to win, so you don’t end up losing. If you continue to win without losing, you won’t be able to handle the lost when you lose.
You must have lost before you can win so you can avoid overconfidence and complacency. Been too optimistic causes depression.
When expectation fails, accept that and move on.
Last Words
Life is unfair, you can’t do anything but to move on and mindful of the current situation around you. You just have to let these feelings pass you by, don’t dwell on them.
Seldomly, you have to let go of what you wanted so you can concentrate on doing what’s needed, so the pain can go.
You may sometimes feel like giving up when life seems unbearable, however, you can overcome by accepting the truth, holding on to a hopeful tomorrow, and doing what you can do presently to stay kicking.
PS: All these are basically my personal experiences in dealing with PTSD and anxiety. I started writing this article before I had PTSD.
If you learn or two from this piece, you should clap and share it with others.
