Adventures in Married Life

I’m surprised you didn’t make a comment about my grocery list, I told my husband when I returned home from work.

I didn’t even look at it, he said as he picked it up off the fridge. Why is it two pages!?

It’s not. The second page is the menu for the next two weeks.

Ever heard of front and back? I can’t even read that at the bottom.

When I put stuff on the back you never end up getting it. Even with a huge arrow saying FLIP ME OVER.

My husband has a love hate relationship with my grocery lists. 99% of the time it doesn’t change. We get staple items that can be cooked a bunch of different ways because well that’s cost efficient. So, I assume that after sending him for the past few years (because he doesn’t like to shop with me and he says I spend too much when I go alone lol) — he knows what to buy and therefore I don’t have to be descriptive.

Boy, am I wrong.

And believe me when I say, nothing tests your marriage like grocery shopping. He gives me crap if I don’t say exactly what I want — even though I’m pretty certain he knows what he’s supposed to buy. I could be wrong, but like I said the list rarely changes. I give him crap when he 1) buys the wrong thing or 2) doesn’t buy it at all.

A recent grocery trip that was chalk full of hilarious texts back and forth comes to mind that is a perfect example of this. I even go above and beyond by listing the items in order that he should get them based on where they are in the store. I always start with the “toiletries” because I know this always takes him the longest.

#1 — Feminine products. I rarely send him to do this because I’m extremely picky about what I get and well he’s a guy and would literally buy the first thing he saw. I even went as far as writing the brand name and the color packaging. Seriously, I’d have had better luck sending our 2 year old to get them.

OMG! Why are there so many??

It’s fine just buy exactly what’s written on the list.

How do you even find it? They all look the same? These women keep staring at me. I responded with the exact location of where it was. He asked how I knew that. I sent him a gif of a face palm.

#2 — Deodorant. Okay, now this one I might have dropped the ball a bit. I seriously only gave him the brand name thinking he would see the one that sits on our dresser EVERY SINGLE DAY. I mean, I could pick out his in the lineup. Nope. He sent me a picture of literally every single one. And when I took to long to respond he said “well I’m just going to get the fresh clean scent and hope you like it”. Luckily that’s the one I get.

He used to get stumped with diapers and wipes — but he’s finally got the hang of them. Man is he going to hate that we’re about to switch to Training Pants, because yay potty training.

Then we get to the actual food and this is where it gets really fun. At least on my end of the receiving texts.

#3 — Cheese. Seems simple enough right? I mean we get the same two types every single time. A particular brand for our (American cheddar) slices, and the store brand for our shredded (Colby jack) cheese. I even started putting FINELY shredded because he was coming home with these giant shredded chunks that just doesn’t taste as well. I get a picture of the list and a bunch of shredded cheese options.

You’re joking right? We get the same cheese everytime. I reply. He sends me back a picture holding up the correct one.

Next time I’m just going to say “Kobe” and see what you come back with. He laughs.

#4 — Berry Muffin Mix. Alright, I probably dropped the ball on this one too because there are so many “berry” muffin mixes. Yet once again, on the list that rarely changes he was still stumped. Another round of picture texts asking which one.

Wildberry. If you come home with that cheesecake one I will send you back.

Cheesecake it is.

I will divorce you if you come home with that.

#5 — Spaghetti Sauce. I seriously wanted to reach through the phone and smack him. It wasn’t like I said “pasta sauce”… I said spaghetti. Point blank.

#6 — Chicken nuggets NOT popcorn chicken.

Does it really matter?

Yes. Emma only eats the nuggets.

But it’s the same.

No its not.

Please enlighten me.

Chicken nuggets are flat and oval, a la McDonald’s kids meal. Popcorn chicken is round. Seriously she won’t eat the popcorn chicken.

He goes ahead and gets the popcorn chicken. Sure enough she doesn’t eat it.

#7 — Fish.

Real descriptive there.

Whichever is cheapest.

Fish patties it is.

No I want Salmon. His turn for a face palm gif.

#8 — Fruit (apples, bananas, grapes, some type of berry if they’re reasonably priced)

What is it with you and berries? Any particular kind Princess?

Whichever is reasonably priced.

None of them are. You got enough berry flavored stuff on this list.

Fine, get another type of fruit then.

Like?

Surprise me.

He came home with mangos and I got mad because he knows that nobody eats them.

Thank you for reading this! Hopefully I was able to provide you with some comic relief with the hilarious conversations I have with my husband on a regular basis. If you enjoyed this please let me know by clicking on the little green heart — this also helps others be able to enjoy it! Perhaps you may even want to go follow me :D Until next time