How Do You Handle Being in an Interracial Relationship with What’s Going On in the World?

From personal experience, I haven’t always been met with acceptance when it comes from dating predominantly white guys, and now being married to one. Sure, I’ve had some rather redneck old folks — who were just so set in their ways, give me a hard time every now and then. My husband has had customers make remarks not knowing he is married to a black woman. We’ve had people question if our daughter was biologically both of ours.

But believe it or not — the majority of issues we get, are not from white people, but other black people. My family is not excluded either. I’ve had people tell me:

• I think I’m better than other blacks because I’m light skinned, and that’s why I don’t date black men.
• That I’m indenial in thinking (any) white man would see me as anything more than slave.
• That I must hate myself and therefore want to be with someone who equally hates me.
• They’ve asked me what’s different dating a white guy.

Just to throw out a few. My own family questioned why I decided to marry someone white, and asked me if I just couldn’t find the good black man. My personal favorite was when we were pregnant and a few family members snidely said that my kid was going to be a mutt and be all confused growing up, since I apparently don’t acknowledge my black history.

Let me just say for the record — I do acknowledge my history. I’ve been to just as many history museums about black history and culture as I have been to ones about whites, Native Americans, Chinese, etc. I particularly enjoy that stuff no matter how hard it is to acknowledge.

Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it. — Edmund Burke

I don’t pretend slavery and Jim Crow and segregation didn’t happen. I’ll even admit there are just certain areas I won’t go to or stop in, because those views are still very much practiced. I’m not ignorant to this fact. But I wholeheartedly believe, if you aren’t able to move pass the past, then nothing will ever change.

So to sum it up. In my experience — society doesn’t have a big problem with me being in an Interracial Relationship. Only other black people do.

When I don’t show my full support of #blacklivesmatter, I’m apparently not a “true black person”. Believe me, I agree that more often than not blacks are typically targeted more than others. But that being said, I also believe (anyone of any race) if you do something to garner an officer to react in an equally violent way, I’m not going to feel sorry for you. *I know someone is bound to throw in recent incidents, like Philando Castile, so let me beat you to it. I’ve watched the video that was live streamed, and I fully support that he was NOT in the wrong. He was doing exactly what he was asked to do. I think that was more of a scared, trigger happy officer — a terrible combination in any situation. And Alton Sterling, from the looks of the video he also appeared to be not at fault. Regardless what his arrest record looks like or what he posted on his facebook, he didn’t deserve to be pinned down and shot multiple times.

But then if I even dare say #bluelivesmatter, I’ve now got a target on my back. For the record, I respect anybody who puts their life on the line daily for me. Whether it’s a solider or a police officer or a fireman. For the most part, I’ve never had any problems with police officers. It could be because I never gave them a reason to give me one, or perhaps it was because I grew up around them — my godfather being on the force and all. Is that to say that every officer lives by a moral code? Absolutely not. I know this. Should our local law enforcement do a better job at picking and training it’s officers? Yes. Because when you sign up for a job like that, you have to be aware that some days your life is going to be put at risk. If you’re incapable of not withholding your fear and you’re trigger happy — well obviously we know how that’s going to end.

But wait. Why can’t we say #alllivesmatter either? Because apparently that diminishes the problems one race has over another. Here’s the reality. Every single race has to deal with problems. Sure, some races seem to get the short end of the problem stick, but we all have problems. So to me, giving a platform for one particular race, doesn’t seem very inclusive. Especially when everyone keeps trying to make us united. Want to make us united? Stop glorifying and belittling one race over another. Address all of the issues equally.

*Oh dear… I feel like this is spiraling into a different direction than I planned… so back on track*

So how do my husband and I handle being in an Interracial Relationship in today’s society? Well we see each other as people and not by the color of our skin. We accept each other’s opinions and views, even if we don’t fully agree with them. We acknowledge the past, but realize that it’s nothing either of us can go and undo. We’re raising our daughter in a home where black and white is normal. We aren’t teaching her to see someone based on the color of their skin, but as a person. And most importantly, we defend our love to anyone who questions it. Don’t like it? Lucky for you you’re not in the relationship.