The Beginning of the End
The story of how I ended up ghosting my best friend
My friendship with C started in an unusual way. We worked together, and whenever I saw her, she was never doing work. Ever. I started joking that it must be nice to get paid to do nothing. Over the next few months our friendship started to blossom. We talked more at work. We eventually became friends on Facebook — the true status of friendship. And like any new friendship or relationship, we finally went to dinner together. Over the course of dinner, we just clicked instantly. Although I was a few years older than her, I enjoyed her company. Looking back, I saw a lot of my younger self in her. A self that needed guidance. I wanted to help her not make the same mistakes I had made.
And so our friendship took off. We became inseparable. Texting and hanging out when we could. My husband smiled as I would ramble about my new friendship. He knew how badly I had been looking for a friend since I had moved out here. Even though we had only been close friends for a few months, I had her come with me to pick up my wedding dress and extended an invite to her.
Things were going well. We decided to take our friendship to the next level. Our first trip together. We went to the amusement park with her family. It was fun — but I started to see red flags. C only wanted to do things she wanted to do. For me that meant riding rides I absolutely hated and no water park. God forbid she mess up her hair. We had intended to stay until the end of the day when the park closed but by 5p I was ready to head home. I had had enough of her for one day. This should have been a sign things weren’t going well. I had never wanted to get away from someone after so few hours. Thankfully the car ride home was quiet. I didn’t leave her on the interstate.
I shrugged it, figuring the combination of heat and exhaustion was the culprit of these feelings. We got home and things returned to normal. A few weeks later C asked if I wanted to go out of town with her for her 21st birthday. Sure I agreed.
What was supposed to be a fun weekend with her friends turned out to be just us. The location changed at least a dozen times because she wasn’t satisfied with any of the places I suggested. She wanted to do a whole bunch but not spend money. It just doesn’t work that way…
Finally C agreed on DC. We got a nice hotel perfectly located. It became apparent once we got there that her idea of a trip was just shopping — while I wanted to take in the sights and sounds. Whatever, it was her birthday. Over the course of the day, I got injured. My legs just literally gave out. I fell to the ground in pain.
She just stood there.
She didn’t offer help or ask if I was ok. People walking by looked at us like we were crazy. Finally I had to ask her to help me up. I was incredibly pissed that someone could just stand there like “what do I do?” Once I was up and moving again I asked her why she just stood there.
I didn’t know what to do. I don’t do well under pressure.
Great. I was on a trip with a freaking child. Actually no — just a moron. Even a child would ask if you were ok. We returned to the hotel so I could rest before we went to dinner.
Dinner wasn’t a total disaster. We ate at the restaurant of my choosing. And we got free drinks. I asked if she still wanted to go to a club. Of course she did. So off we went. Clubbing started off on a bad note. She hated the club but she didn’t want to pay a cover fee. She wanted people to just start buying her drinks… well in order for that to happen you have to mingle. She didn’t want to do that.
8 tequila shots later she finally loosened up. I was doing my best to mingle and keep an eye on her. My mission was free drinks. Shame me all you want… I use my gender to my advantage. We met a few guys and I told them it was her 21st… score a round of drinks. But that wasn’t good enough for C. She wasn’t interested in the guys buying her drinks. I was beginning to learn she was terrible at this. Did she never go out to parties? Did she not know how this worked? A few more drinks, she was finally a happy drunk. Until a rather beautiful girl tried to buy her a drink.
Ew. I’m not into girls.
I felt horrified that she had said that. I apologized to the girl and accepted the drink she offered me. I have no problem accepting a drink from the same sex. This girl was actually nice and invited us to come hang out with her friends on the dancefloor. I agreed at the idea of not being responsible for someone else for a few minutes…
A few minutes it was… because ol happy drunk quickly turned into sloppy drunk. It was time to go… and if that wasn’t a challenge. Fortunately we made it safe and sound back to the hotel… despite her outbreaks of “don’t honk at me!” and “I don’t want a DUI!” and “I want to go home!” the entire time. By the time we returned I was seriously regretting this trip. I attempted to get her into bed… without much success I laid a blanket over her — while she laid on the floor.
The next day my legs were still sore from the day before so I didn’t want to do much walking. That wasn’t going to happen. She wanted to go the biggest shopping mall in the area and go to every store. After the 5th one I was so tired of watching her pick stuff up, put it back and contemplate if she really wanted it. Everytime she asked me I just shrugged and said “it’s your money.” I was silently counting down til I would be home. It didn’t seem like it would ever happen.
Finally, several hours later we finally made it home. I looked her dead in the face and said “Please don’t be mad if we don’t talk for a few days. I just need time to myself after this weekend… and we probably won’t be going on any more trips for awhile.” I felt bad but I knew it had to be said.
Fast forward… the rest of the year went smoothly. We didn’t go on anymore trips. None that required us being stuck together for more than a few hours anyway. Our friendship recovered. Things were good.
Then I got sick. Really sick. I can honestly say in the beginning she was very helpful. But as the months went on, I began to notice she didn’t fully understand that this had completely changed me. I could no longer be as active as I wished. I had to use my energy sparingly. She took me being home from work as a vacation. It wasn’t. Not when I could barely do anything. And that’s where things started to get bumpy again.
C was young, single, and basically had no real priorities. She lived at home and mommy and daddy catered to her. She didn’t seem to understand that I was both, married and a mother — and now sick. She wanted to go out all the time — now just to drink. Which slowly I noticed was becoming a problem.
Me being who I am, decided to intervene. I’d been there, using alcohol to fill a void. I expressed my concern and was met with a “I don’t have a problem” attitude. Okay…
This proved to be wrong when my husband and I offered to take her out for being so helpful in the early stages of me being sick. She was ungrateful that we were buying her drinks — that weren’t coming quickly enough. She was mad that no one was hitting on her. We allowed her to usher us to the bar so she could mingle.
But she didn’t know how to mingle. Seriously she has no manners what so ever. Nice guys approached her, but she wasn’t interested in them. They weren’t her “type”.
You don’t have a type. You’ve never had a boyfriend.
Finally I got tired of her complaints and introduced her to a nice looking guy sitting alone beside us. He offered her a drink.
Um… is it on my tab or your tab?
I gasped as I looked at my husband who was holding back a laugh. Seriously — how could she not know how this works? Luckily the guy laughed it off and assured her if he offered he was buying. And so he did. Five more drinks… and one he didn’t know about while he went to smoke. Happy drunk was turning into sloppy drunk. It was time to go. We got her home and she passed out in her front yard…
The next day I told her we needed to talk. I hated that I was becoming more of a mother than a friend… She apologized for how she had been. And then asked if I wanted to go out the following weekend.
No. No I did not.
And I didn’t for awhile. This is when the ghosting began. I realized I didn’t want to babysit anyone when I went out. If I did I’d bring my kid. The holidays approached and I made plans for New Years. I invited my other close friend and her boyfriend out with us, along with another single friend who was going through a rough time. This wasn’t good for C. Apparently she wanted me all to herself — and spent the majority of the night pouting.
My patience with her childish behavior was quickly fizzling. I started complaining about hanging out with her to my husband. I hated how I had become this mother role to her, always coming to me for help with guy troubl e or really any trouble— but then being upset when she didn’t like what I had to say.
I slowly stopped asking her to hang out. I didn’t text her all day. I thought maybe if I just didn’t surround myself with her as much I could maintain this friendship. A few months passed and I tried hanging out again. This little prom event for adults. We got to dress up. I thought it was fun. Well it would have been if Princess Pouty Pants had stayed at home. The next day I told my husband I didn’t want to be her friend anymore.
My husband said we were just in different places, but if I didn’t want to be her friend anymore then don’t be. It’s always so easy for men. I knew if I said something it would be turned into a big ordeal. I didn’t want that conflict.
So again I started to ghost. She asked if something was wrong. I told her I just had a lot going on — which wasn’t a total lie. We hung out for my birthday and I hated it. It was so forced and awkward… like most of our hang outs started to become. I felt bad, she had been a good friend. But I couldn’t handle the additional stress she brought to my life.
The ghosting process continued. I started bailing when she asked me to hang out. I barely texted her, and if I did it was because she texted me first. I was focusing myself on the important things in my life. I was beginning to feel happy again. Like a weight being lifted off me.
As I write this, I haven’t completely cut ties with her. But I can see it happening soon. I just don’t feel the connection to her anymore. I think because our friendship took off so suddenly we didn’t really have time to get to know each other. We’re also just at different points in our lives. The seasons of friendship is changing for me again, and I need something more in my friendships now. I do feel bad. Ghosting is a cowardly move, but in most cases it’s the best one.
Thank you for reading this. This is Day 12 of my writing challenge. This was definitely hard to post. I probably wrote and erased and rewrote this more times than I wish to admit. But there is a certain amount of weight lifted having gotten this out in the open. If you enjoyed this please click the little green heart for me — it would mean a lot. Perhaps you’ll even go follow me :D Until next time
