Pro wrestling is a mature art for adults. Contrary to what some legally and figuratively blind out of touch senile old fuck will tell you (hint: his name rhymes with Rinse DickPan), it is NOT a family friendly kiddy fuck fest with dance offs and rap contests and kiddy bollocks…

TORONTO, ONTARIO — The Paeter Carnivals content farm recently received a startling news tip from what appears to be a rogue police officer in Toronto, Ontario. The officer, who chose the pseudonym “Ignatius Vanwong,” has reported exclusively to beloved pro wrestling journalist, knife salesman, ghostwriter, cashier, and soon-to-be dead wrestler…

Speculative Script by Paeter Carnivals The screen is black. Pitch black. Nothing is seen. And then? DRUMS The drums are tribal in their sound. Powerful. Meaningful. They get faster and scarier and sexier and cum to a crescendo. There are lights! Spotlights! All over a city! Sirens go off as…

EXT. BOONE, IOWA TOWN SQUARE — FALL OF 2019 Beautiful camera shots pan over the quaint town of Boone, Iowa. Merchants and vendors flood the streets selling their wares to passersby, children frolic on the streets, and the song “Hot Down Summer in the City gonna get down get dirt…

BOONE, IOWA — Paeter Carnivals, noted professional wrestling journalist and soon-to-be CEO of Knives by Paeter, has officially announced the public release of his future award-winning screenplay, Love Goes Over, set to take place on Friday, 22 March of 2019 at 12:00pm Central Time. Set in the near future in…

BOONE, IOWA — After lots of controversy and speculation surrounding his attendance at the event, noted pro wrestling journalist and knife salesman Paeter Carnivals officially announced today via this very press release that he will, in fact, be attending WWE WrestleMania 35 at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. …

As you all know, I, Paeter Carnivals, arguably the most successful and beloved pro wrestling journalist alive (and also an increasingly successful knife salesman; at three knives sold [1b2S0B] I am on track to finally sell enough knives to have an all expenses paid trip to Wrestle Mania 35 with…

As we all know, this Sunday is the WWE (should be WWF imho) Royal Rumble, which you can all discuss on social media using the hashtag #PaeterRumble. And also as we all know, Vincent “Kennedy” McMahon is blind, both legally due to his age and figuratively due to his complete…

As you all know by now, I am pushing for Cody Rhodes to host Saturday Night Live using the now worldwide trend #CodyForSNL. I think he has enough mainstream appeal and comedic chops to be a great host (he was a background in a Conan skit once), and I think…